Those Horrible Male Chauvinist Pigs

A feminist blogger has published a truly offensive letter she got from a male reader. Here it is for your perusal but, please, prepare to be shocked. This male chauvinist is completely out of control in his desire to demean a feminist blogger:

While I am a dude, and disagree with a lot of your worldview, I’d like to let you know I really enjoy reading your blog. You’re a very good writer and your posts are entertaining and thought-stimulating. Please keep up the good work — there is a paucity of actual quality content in the blogosphere, and I daresay that you’re propping up the mean.

Could you believe the gall? Those pigs feel they can just insult a female writer in this horrible way for the simple reason she is a woman. This is what the brave feminist responded to the offending reader:

When women write me, they never, ever tell me that I am “a very good writer” and to “keep up the good work” because there isn’t enough decent writing on the Internet. Women say things like “that post on consent changed my life,” or “Now I know I’m not alone/crazy/hysterical.”

Dudes, on the other hand, always feel compelled to inform me that they disagree with me (this is a non-negotiable component of dude fan mail), but that they are nevertheless are willing to be entertained by me. They usually include a couple of 25-cent words, like “daresay” and “paucity.” “Keep up the good work” is another essential element. Thanks for the dudely encouragement, dude! Because I was totally thinking about packing up shop and opening up a pole dancing studio at Whole Foods.

You go, sister! This will show them chauvinists how to compliment one’s writing. Jerks.

Of course, in the spirit of full disclosure, I received two similar emails from readers in the past week. The word “paucity” wasn’t used but the compliments to my writing were worded in a very similar way. Those readers are women, though. So now I don’t know how to interpret their emails. A terrifying suspicion has crept in: might they be wolves in sheep’s clothing, i.e. dudes in disguise?

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74 comments on “Those Horrible Male Chauvinist Pigs

  1. I don’t get how that was offensive or how he was being a male chauvinist. That looked like a nice comment to me and she jumped on him pretty much for no reason.

    If this is how a woman react if you try to say something nice to her, I guess we should just stop trying.

  2. Oh sorry. I missed that part.

    But you can really get that reaction often. It’s not that rare.

    I think I am giving up about figuring out women. Nuclear science look easier.

  3. Well, I’m having a hard time doing that. Not sure there is something to figure out either.

    I might be weird but people in general live in plain contradiction, act with no logic at all, only think about their own asses and I could go on.

    My conclusions about the human race are not positives so far.

    Yeah, it sounds big and all, but this is how I feel.

  4. Compañera, you got me really confused for a second, good thing I have been reading you long enough to get the irony!

    • Your readers must be remarkably dull if they aren’t able to detect the blazingly witty sarcasm with which you skewered that “feminist blogger”.
      (Do you think they’ll get that I’m being sarcastic by calling your sarcasm “blazingly witty”?)

  5. As a female who recently emailed you about how I like your blog, I can say wholeheartedly that I only did so because I was afraid you’d stop blogging and opt instead for stripping and giving cookies to men.

    But in all seriousness, I have personally written emails and comments to bloggers and/or blogs that were nearly identical to that one. Meaning, of course, that I didn’t always agree with the ideological arguments the writer made, but that, for wahtever reason that I likely described at length, I appreciated their writing a great deal, nonetheless. In fact, I made a comment just like that on a radfem blog once, and rather than publishing it, the author “spammed” me and mocked me throughout the entire comment thread for noting that I don’t typically agree with her extreme stances on certain issues. Also because I glibly mentioned that Andrea Dworking’s theories on sex are a bit loony. She took great offense to that.

    Real winners, these radfems are.

    • Thank you, April, both for the email and the comment. :-) The problem with this breed of feminists is that they are so extreme that they get noticed while the more sedate among us don’t. Then, people are terrified of the entire movement because they think one of us might go off at them in response to any comment, no matter how innocent.

  6. This makes me sad. Someone remind me never to compliment a radical feminist’s writing style. After all, if I don’t agree 100% with every single word posted on their blogs, then clearly I’m just the very epitome of the patriarchy!

  7. Condescending head-pats from dudes are unwelcome in my world. And his email was just that. Yuck.

    You sure are getting a lot of mileage out of Twisty’s posts, Clarissa. Hit-farming much?

  8. It’s not about defending Twisty out of loyalty; people are defending her because she’s right. “Keep up the good work” is some condescending bullshit. It’s not something people say to people they consider their equals. It’s more like something a teacher says to a student.

    If you’re going to call yourself a feminist you ought to pay more attention to the things men say and do to women to keep them in their place.

    • ‘ “Keep up the good work” is some condescending bullshit

      -Today I said this to my Dean verbatim. He looked very pleased, though. He’s my boss and 30 years older than I’m, so obviously I don’t treat him like my student.

      I find your understanding of human relationships to be very limiting.

      “If you’re going to call yourself a feminist you ought to pay more attention to the things men say and do to women to keep them in their place.”

      -Now, offering people unsolicited advice, that’s condescending. Yes, you definitely have problems with sociability.

      • I don’t know if you’re lying, if you misread his expression, or if he was trying to be polite, but I seriously doubt that he was pleased by you telling him to “keep up the good work.”

        I’m offering “unsolicited advice” because it doesn’t only affect you – feminism is for all women, and when you do such a piss-poor job of it, it affects all of us. So what if it’s condescending? That doesn’t change the fact that Twisty was right about the dude condescending to her. They don’t cancel each other out. Furthermore, there’s an enormous difference between one woman being condescending towards another woman because of her failure to perform a simple analysis, and a dude condescending to a woman just because she’s a woman.

      • The quoted email was in no way condescending. It was a normal, kind email that people send to each other on a regular basis. The real disservice to feminism is to go off at everybody for absolutely no reason because, in your mind, being a woman automatically makes you a victim.

        “Furthermore, there’s an enormous difference between one woman being condescending towards another woman because of her failure to perform a simple analysis, and a dude condescending to a woman just because she’s a woman.”

        -Please reread your own sentence. Why do you despise women so much? This is very sad.

      • I don’t “go off at everybody for absolutely no reason” – I go off on specific people for specific reasons, which I’ve explained. I don’t despise women in general. I despise fauxminists.

        I find it truly bewildering that you seem to think it’s perfectly reasonable to make this leap from me not liking you, one woman, for very specific reasons, to me despising women in general, but you seem to think it’s absolutely absurd for anyone to read into anything a dude says. Maybe it’s really you who despises women.

      • Sjaustin, I was prepared to comment but you took the words right out of my mouth and stated them much more clearly and eloquently. So all I have to say is, seconded!

      • I tend to agree with sjaustin that the Dean was probably not completely thrilled to be told to “keep up the good work.” I felt a little cringe-y just reading that comment.

      • Well, he’ll just have to live with it, then. :-)

        I find that people are normally a lot more relaxed in their communications and don’t analyze every breath you take for hidden attempts to offend you. As an autistic, I often blurt out things without thinking. Everybody is always very understanding and treats me very normally.

      • As an autistic person, could you consider the possibility that a neurotypical person might catch subtexts and implications that you are inclined to miss? Just because one person has missed a social cue or tone of voice, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

      • Depending on the context, the way it was said, the mood in the room, and so forth, the Dean might not have minded at all when Clarissa said “Keep up the good work.” It’s the sort of thing that’s very context-dependent, and requires additional information. Now, given that, it’s worth noting that one person in this thread (Clarissa) was actually in the room for the event and actually has that information. So I’m going to operate on the assumption that her interpretation of the event is more likely to be correct than somebody else’s interpretation.

  9. Aw, Clarissa, that’s so cute: you just patted me on the head. Perhaps I should rephrase: condescending head-pats from anyone of any gender are unwelcome in my world.

    • I have to remind you that I didn’t come to your world. You came to mine and left your comment on my blog. You will not object to me saying whatever I please on my blog, will you? You and your world are always free to go on your merry way. :-)

      • Buddy, I have over 350 blogs in 6 different languages in my blogroll. I have no idea whom I added and when or where I commented or didn’t comment. On my blog, I have both praised and criticized a variety of bloggers. I do it because it’s fun. Your paranoid fantasies as to some special purpose I have in ridiculing this particular silly blog among all other hundreds of equally silly blogs are of no interest to anybody.

      • Unless you’re my own personal doctor, you have no business diagnosing me as “paranoid,” which by the way, I am not. Of course, it’s typical for anti-feminists to just call feminists crazy so we can be written off as incorrect about everything. Old ploy, Clarissa, a very old ploy. You’ve learned well from the dudes in your life.

  10. ” “Keep up the good work” is some condescending bullshit. It’s not something people say to people they consider their equals. It’s more like something a teacher says to a student”

    So that means that when a student writes in a student evaluation (where they are my equals, since I won’t see them until the semester is over, do not affect his/her grade, and probably will never have me as an instructor again) “Keep up the good work”, he/she is being condescending to me? Only if a male student writes it? Jeez… now I’m really depressed. I’ve received so many of those evaluations over the year, and always believed they were positive. Now I’ve realized that I’ve been denigrated, condescended and oppressed for so long! And that those evaluations were negative! And that I should have been offended! Thanks for enlightening me… Sorry, I need to go and go over all my evaluations, to see if I discover someone who is still around and can explain him/her that I won’t take it anymore!

  11. Oh no!!! I just realized that in the acceptance letter of my last academic article, both the editor and one of the reviewers complimented my writing style and my prose (it was in Spanish, where I write better than in English). It’s not to late, I’m still doing the minor revisions asked. Maybe I will submit it to another journal, and not one where the editor and one of the reviewers are horrible male chauvinist…

    • :-) :-) :-) :-)

      My last article was rejected and I wasn’t asked to keep up the good work. That must also be the fault of those male chauvinists. The weather’s been kind of nasty. I blame male chauvinists for that, as well.

  12. Believe it or not, I once had an article rejected from a top journal saying something like “it’s an excellent article, but it’s not groundbreaking and scholars won’t be looking for it in the libraries in the following years”. It’s a true story. I always thought they were being snobs, but now I realize that they were a bunch of male chauvinist.

  13. I left a romantic letter and a bouquet of roses for my girlfriend as a way to surprise her, but now I realize I’m a male chauvinist.

  14. I just went and read the blog and the post in question for the first time. Half the comments use the same rethorical devices of born-again Christians (I saw the light … etc), and half read like a parody of feminism written by a brainless misogynist. Or a combination of both. And then I read another post that said something about how a social revolution will render pornography obsolete, but I couldn’t understand the reason behind it. I could do a lot of sarcastic comments, but it’s just sad.

    • “Half the comments use the same rethorical devices of born-again Christians (I saw the light … etc), and half read like a parody of feminism written by a brainless misogynist.”

      -That’s exactly how I feel about this brand of feminism. And about that site in particular. Sad. . .

      • i don’t know if it’s still the case (and I certainly won’t visit that lair of what I perceive as irrationality again), but among the FAQs about the blog was “Is this blog meant to be a parody of feminism?” …

      • I wasn’t aware that porn was a requirement for sexuality. Some of us prefer to express our sexual drives and desires with real live people whom we like and respect.

      • These “some of us” you describe can be both male and female. Just like those who enjoy only porn. Just like those who combine porn and partnered sex.

        This is not a gendered issue.

      • It absolutely is a gendered issue. Men are the main consumers of pornography, and with only a few exceptions, the vast majority of porn is degrading to and exploitative of women. It’s not a question of whether or not women also use porn. Some women do; some men don’t. So what? It shouldn’t be a requirement for anyone, and nobody who claims to care about women should put their desire for porn above their alleged desire for real equality.

      • ” the vast majority of porn is degrading to and exploitative of women”

        -You are wrong.

        “It shouldn’t be a requirement for anyone”

        -And today is Wednesday. Have any more wisdoms of this caliber to share with us?

        “nobody who claims to care about women should put their desire for porn above their alleged desire for real equality.”

        -Yes, I do care about my sexual gratification more than I care about men, women, children, animals, and visitors from other planets. If more people cared about finding sexual fulfillment before rushing to bring happiness to others, this would be a much better world.

      • That is perhaps the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard anyone utter in my entire life. Your getting off is more important than other people? I find that shocking. Srsly.

  15. I now bug every person I meet on campus with “keep up the good work.” Just did it to our new Chair (male, older, tenured, Full Professor.) It went over well, I think. My next stop is the Provost’s Office where I’m going to get my travel documents. Let’s see who I can say it to there.

    This is fun.

    • Condescending, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Therefore, I, as a lowly man, can only behave honestly, and let the chips fall where they may.

  16. “Yes, I do care about my sexual gratification more than I care about men, women, children, animals, and visitors from other planets. If more people cared about finding sexual fulfillment before rushing to bring happiness to others, this would be a much better world.”

    You do know that there is a global market of sexual slavery, right? Google “sex trafficking” or “sex tourism”, then listen to Sunitha krishnan’s TED talk about rescuing people from sexual slavery.

    Folks putting their sexual preferences over the well-being of others isn’t a newfangled idea that would improve the world, it is the way the world already works now and it is awful. Got any other ideas?

    • Am I suffering from a heat stroke, or have I just been accused of sex trafficking and keeping people in sexual slavery? That’s a first on my blog.

      Skeptifem: please, explain to me how people who traffic in humans care about their own sexual gratification? I always thought it was their wallet they cared about. I also thought that a sex trafficker could be completely impotent or frigid. If you equate people who care about finding their own sexual fulfillment with sex traffickers, that’s very very sad. For you.

      • You haven’t been accused of anything.

        I was talking about the johns who purchase trafficked people. How are they not doing what you recommended in the post I responded to?

      • Prostitution is a completely different topic that I addressed recently in a different post. I don’t want to steer this overlong thread towards that unrelated topic. In short, I think prostitution is a very sad phenomenon but it cannot be addressed by criminalizing it.

        However, many people privilege their sexual gratification without purchasing sex. All poodles are dogs, but not all dogs are poodles, you know.

  17. “I do care about my sexual gratification more than I care about men, women, children, animals, and visitors from other planets.”

    This is actually disgusting. You aren’t any kind of a feminist if you always put yourself over others, you’re a selfish individualist and you should be honest and just say that. Maybe you should change the tag line of your blog to ‘me, me, me, me, me, me and more me’, that would be a more accurate reflection of the contents of this blog.

    Skeptifem is right, people putting their own sexual gratification over the welfare of others is what fuels prostitution, sex trafficking, child porn etc. In the same way as people putting their own consumer desires over the welfare of others is what fuels environmental destruction.

    “Am I suffering from a heat stroke, or have I just been accused of sex trafficking and keeping people in sexual slavery? That’s a first on my blog.”

    Poor Clarissa, I know you can’t really cope with complex ideas, but there’s a difference between demand and supply. To put it in simple terms (and do let me know if it’s not quite simple enough for you to understand), there’s a difference between buying a chocolate bar (demand) and running a chocolate factory, or farming cocoa (supply).

    “In short, I think prostitution is a very sad phenomenon.”

    Yes, if only those other sad women would see the light and try being exactly like you! Because you’re alright-Jack, so there are no problems for women that can’t be solved by women being exactly like you, because we all have perfect agency and shit don’t we?

    Like I said before, I bet you’re an Ayn Rand fan.

  18. “I do care about my sexual gratification more than I care about men, women, children, animals, and visitors from other planets If more people cared about finding sexual fulfillment before rushing to bring happiness to others, this would be a much better world.”

    You can’t possibly be serious, Clarissa. I’m not trying to be snarky (ok, this time I’m not)
    but that sounds pretty messed up. I feel it’s the exact opposite. If people cared about men, women, children, animals (and their own planet, not sure about ET’s) more than their own selfish needs, sexual or otherwise, the world would be more than a better place, it would be an amazing place. And that doesn’t mean I’m ‘anti-sex.’ I think the idea that sex is dirty and sinful has caused a lot of problems for the human race, but the way to combat that isn’t to take it to the opposite extreme and say sex is more important than the well-being of others.

    • The problem is, gracemargaret, that I can’t do anything for the well-being of others. I don’t enjoy being anybody’s kind benefactor. That’s condescending and paternalistic.

      As Seraphim Sarovsky said, “Save yourself and thousands will save themselves around you.”

      • How about not hurting people? Regardless of what you may think, when you support the porn industry, you’re actively contributing to the exploitation of women. Do you really think not hurting people is condescending and paternalistic? You’re either really sick or a fucking moron.

      • Once again, please start controlling yourself or go away and do not come back. Do not expect people to maintain any discussion with you when you are so out of control.

        Seriously, go watch some porn or something because sex deprivation is making your hysteria really obnoxious.

      • Once again, please start controlling yourself

        LOL, you’re so out of control that you put your sexual gratification above the well-being of others, and I’m out of control?

        Seriously, go watch some porn or something because sex deprivation is making your hysteria really obnoxious.

        This is the second most disgusting thing you’ve said in this thread. You are NOT, in any way, shape, or form, a feminist.

    • Also, notice how I said ” If more people cared about finding sexual fulfillment before rushing to bring happiness to others

      It is my firm belief that you cannot make other people happy. Happiness comes from within. Just like love.

      • So you could personally not give a shit whether the women & girls in your favorite pornography are actually being raped, perhaps after having been sold into sexual slavery? Really? If the lives other women are living in the patriarchy mean nothing to you, you’re not a feminist. You’re a selfish egotist who happens to be a woman, but feminism is not just about you; it’s about ALL women.

      • Your weird sexual fantasies say nothing about me and all about you. Since you are interested, porn I consume comes in the form of books written by women for women OR the kind of videos that feature no women. I’m a heterosexual woman, so looking at naked women is not something that I’m into.

  19. It’s a good thing these folks love and support all women — otherwise they might descend into rudeness!

    Outsiders might suspect that they support all women except those who threaten their victimhood. But that’s only because they are not among the enlightened chosen, right Tinfoil Hattie? (I salute your spectacularly appropriate handle by the way.)

    Twisty is an outstanding writer, her followers are wickedly entertaining sycophants. This, and only this, is what distinguishes them from the religious right.

    Like many of those currently witnessing over there; the site has changed my life! I can’t speak in tongues yet, but soon. Soon!

  20. That’s a very good hilarious topic. Clarissa. Sorry, I found it late. But will be checking it out often. I agree with you about what you meant about the other author. Been there and I’m really horrified and petrified seeing the comments there. It’s as if they consider all men to be the criminals. True, some crimes have been perpetrated. But you can’t see all good in anything. You are the true feminist. Hats off to ya n “Keep up the good work

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