I’m lonely, I can’t find a date no matter how hard I try. This must be because:
- I’m too fat and everybody likes skinny women / men
- I’m too short and everybody likes tall men (nobody likes tall women)
- I’m not muscular enough
- I don’t use make-up
- I’m not conventionally attractive
- I don’t have a job
- I don’t have a prestigious education
- I’m shy
- I’m awkward
- I’m unsociable
- I don’t dress nicely
- I’m poor
- I’m too outspoken
- I’m too smart
- I don’t shave my armpits
- I’m bald
- my ears are too big
- my thighs are ugly
Society is unfair, and unconventional people like myself don’t stand a chance romantically.
Whenever you are hearing (or saying) something like this, you need to know that you are hearing (or saying) a load of complete and utter horseshit. And believe me, this is the mildest term I can find for it.
Sexual desire has absolutely nothing to do with any of the above. These are simply excuses people use to blame their lack of romantic and sexual success on some vague entity they call “society.” I know nobody wants to hear this. As you know from my recent series of posts titled “My Romantic Journey”, I am very familiar with this neurotic game. Believe me, people, this is a road to nowhere. At least, nowhere nice.
The only thing that makes some people extremely popular and attracts crowds of admirers to them is their healthy, happy, exuberant sexuality. There are dozens of non-verbal clues such people offer to the world. They move differently, look at you differently, they smell of sex. Our subconscious reads all of these signs way before we even begin to notice their weight, height, ears, and armpits. And when we do notice these things, it’s too late for them to matter.
Now, this doesn’t mean that a person who doesn’t happen to have a happy, healthy, exuberant sexuality at the moment is doomed to loneliness. It is still possible to meet somebody who will be chemically attracted to you and whose romantic scenario will fit you perfectly. People who are wildly sexually popular simply maximize their chances of meeting a partner who would be perfect for them because they manage to attract so many people.
I think I mentioned before this man I knew, let’s call him P. P. was short, skinny, wrinkly, ugly like hell. He had started losing his hair at the age of 19. He was permanently broke. He never had anything interesting to say. And women slaughtered each other for him.
I also think I blogged before about this woman I used to know, let’s call her L. L. was obese, and not in a pretty, plump way. She had buck teeth and a nasty streak from here to the moon. However, L. was a true femme fatale. The number of beautiful, smart, kind men who adored her was shocking.
Of course, I’m only talking about sexual attraction right now. If we are to discuss relationships and what ingredients make successful long-term relationships possible, intense sexual attraction is not nearly enough. But this is a completely different topic that I will address in separate post if people are interested. (And believe me, what I have to say has nothing to do with the ordinary platitudes about the importance of listening, communicating your needs, and other inane things like that.)