Employers Wish to Dictate One’s Personality

Whenever a single officious, plodding and completely brainless administrator who is enamored of pseudo-psychological buzzwords culled directly from the Dr. Phil Show appears on campus, the following stupid policies begin to proliferate:

ACADEMICS at RMIT University have rebelled against new behavioural requirements on staff to be “positive” and “optimistic” and team-focused, claiming it undermines free academic inquiry.

The new “behavioural capability framework” is included in new staff work plans and performance appraisals. It includes such exhortations that a staffer “promotes the positive rather than the negative and remains committed and effective in the face of setbacks and adversity”. It asks staff to be “resolute” and “passionate”.

We all have seen eager administrators try to enforce citizenship, community spirit, kindness, enthusiasm, good mood, etc. It does not even occur to these simple creatures that you cannot make people feel positive or experience passion by force. Academics usually treat such earnest fools with the compassion normally reserved for the brain-dead.

In the meanwhile, the promoters of positive thinking and the collectors of silly buzzwords take all the power on campus in their own hands. While we try to hide our sarcastic smiles during meetings for fear of offending their non-existent sensibilities, these idiots pass regulations that are nothing short of humiliating. Soon, we will not be allowed to show up on campus without a huge, idiotic grin on our faces.

I suggest we stop being nice towards them and subject them to loud and vicious ridicule whenever these plodders come out with their ridiculous initiatives. Let’s greet every suggestion of “enforcing citizenship, promoting sustainability and requiring positivity” with loud laughter. Let’s make these unintelligent, uneducated creatures remember that their job is to see that the toilets are well stocked with toilet paper and to ensure that they keep very quiet on matters that they are not capable of understanding due to their limited brain power.

P.S. Yes, I have special reason to be extremely annoyed with such stupid administrators today.

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4 comments on “Employers Wish to Dictate One’s Personality

  1. Is there any human on earth who isn’t immediately put into a state of furious rage by someone telling them to smile! and be cheerful! I even hate the sound of the word “cheerful.” It makes me think of Fifties-era blond housewives smiling so hard their eyes are all crinkled up. The fear of a non-smiling woman is especially acute in the US, where all my life I’ve had to endure people telling me “Smile!” (Usually while I was absorbed in a book, making me jump a foot because they basically crept up on me and I had no idea they were there.) Women are always getting this. We’re supposed to be the smiley-faced geishas making poor work-loaded, tense men feel better. I know what would make me feel better: the sight of one of these smiley-smile cheerleaders getting beat up by a clown. Yeah. That would make me smile.

  2. Here is a little ditty you can sing to show that you get the message. Sorry for the poor vid quality.

    This is always a sign that things are going badly in the U.S. Other places people just go ahead and gripe.

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