Funny Search Queries

To finish out 2012, let’s go over the funny search queries that brought people to Clarissa’s Blog recently.

Just in the last month, 12 people came to the blog with the search line mississippi sucks. I wonder if people make similar searches about all other states.

16 people (again, in just one month) came here with the query of scientists are stupid. 3 more folks searched for science is stupid blog posts. I don’t find this very encouraging.

16 people (probably the same ones) arrived searching for moldavian girls. Don’t ask me why this blog attracts this sort of query because I have no idea.

5 people were looking for excrement sex. I’m afraid this blog sorely disappointed them.

4 people wanted advice on how often go to church. Since they asked, my advice is don’t. If you are asking about a church, I’m guessing the name Jesus means something to you. Well, that guy was very much opposed to praying in public. Of course, if you hate Jesus, feel free to continue going.

4 individuals wanted to know who don’t use facebook. My answer is: those lucky bastards who are not forced by a stupid committee to join the stupid Facebook completely against their will.

4 folks asked why do women wear clothes. For the same reason as men, believe it or not.

4 people came asking was adam lanza sick (and this is not counting the 59 people who came with the query was adam lanza mentally ill). I don’t know about you but it bothers me that people are so ready to convince themselves that crime is necessarily a result of an illness.

There were 4 searches of why do men force themselves on women. I don’t know what makes people do such searches when the answer is obvious: because they are rapists! And no, they are not sick. They are rapists. Neither do they have a mental illness, Asperger’s, or any other excuse. They are criminals, that’s all.

Obnoxious searches didn’t end here. 6 persons came here looking for girls wearing inappropriate clothes. The problem is that these searchers failed to specify inappropriate for what. Prissy idiots. These are probably the same fools who are trying to figure out how often they should go to church.

3 searchers wanted to know sexual promiscuity psychological damage. The answer is no. So feel free to have a grand old time, folks.

2 people wanted to know if men want housewives. In this economy? You must be kidding me. I remember that about 15 years ago, 20% or so of male students said they wanted a housewife. In the past 3 years, not a single male student expressed any desire for one. (This is a question from a Beginners Spanish textbook).

There were, of course, searches I liked. 5 people asked does the new york times suck more? Oh yes, my friend. It sucks more with every passing month.

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12 comments on “Funny Search Queries

  1. This gave me a great laugh. People search for the most bizarre things on not only this blog, but on Google too if you pay attention to the search suggestions. Take Barack Obama for instance. Type in “Barack Obama is a” in the search bar and you get suggestions like these:

    “Barack Obama is a Muslim”
    “Barack Obama is a liar”
    “Barack Obama is an idiot”
    “Barack Obama is a brony”
    “Barack Obama a bad president”
    “Barack Obama is a bastard”
    “Barack Obama is a dumbass”
    “Barack Obama is a puppet”

    On the whole church thing, if you really want to have a belief in God, please do not go to any organized houses of worship. It’s much better reading the Bible on your own without having some know-it-all tell you exactly how to pray and when to pray and subject yourself to all the granola bar church service type music they play in a lot of the modern, hip churches.

    • You can do this with almost any famous person and you get similar results. Try this with Quentin Tarantino and Howard Stern and see what kinds of suggestions you’re going to get.

    • Christians, on the whole, seem very selective about what parts of the bible they accept, so if they can be Christian without accepting slavery (Ephesians 6:5), there’s no reason why they shouldn’t go to church. In fact, I remember a scene from 1 Kings in which Solomon prays in front of a entire crowd of people, and God seemed just fine with that.

        • Christianity differs from Judaism in that it casts off many of the beliefs and rites of the original Jewish belief system. The rejection of the public prayer is one of the things that Christianity introduces and that distinguish it from Judaism. Probably the most important of these differences is the belief in the Messiah who will come and end suffering auguring the kingdom of heaven. Christians don’t believe that and this is the most difficult thing for a Jew to accept in Christianity.

  2. // 4 people wanted advice on how often go to church.

    I think they meant “how often go to church to prevent XYZ [some people] judging us for not going often enough”. My answer is: as often as those judgemental people, if looking good in their eyes is your top priority.

    // 4 folks asked why do women wear clothes.

    To be more attractive to men, of course. Most women aren’t magazine models and clothes make women much more attractive than they are without them & cosmetics.

    // There were 4 searches of why do men force themselves on women.

    Because they don’t think they will go to jail afterwards, and are sadly right about that in most cases.

    // 3 searchers wanted to know sexual promiscuity psychological damage.

    Those people may well get psychological damage, if they are promiscious while feeling guilt because of it.

    • Gosh, people would go to any lengths to blame their own choices on aliens, little green people, and God only knows what else.

      This is the saddest piece of made-up “research” I have seen in a long time. These silly ignoramuses probably are convinced that there were fewer murders, rapes and assaults in, say, the 15th century. This is juts sad.

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