Hazel Catkins asked me a series of very interesting questions that I know many people are willing to see answered (I know because people have been asking). So I will answer them here:

Clarissa, could you write a post on the languages you plan/hope to raise your child among? You say you speak Russian at home, so I suppose the plan will be for your son to be bilingual at a minimum.

N. and I speak Russian at home, and we will continue to do so. A relationship is not translatable to a different language, and ours can’t be moved into English. Psychologists say it is common for children of immigrants to form their identity through a rejection of the parents’ language, while the grandchildren begin to show interest in it. So there is a high probability he will be a monolingual English speaker.

Is it particularly important to you or N, though, that he speak Russian?

No, absolutely not. A language is such a foundational, basic ingredient of the human psyche that it allows no interference. Whatever ends up being his first language is perfectly fine with me. The trauma that can be inflicted by messing with it is really not worth any linguistic competence. Languages can be mastered perfectly in adulthood (as I know from personal experience), so he will have the rest of his life to figure out what to speak. So if he comes home one day and says he doesn’t want us to speak Russian to him, I will definitely switch. With N., of course, we will continue to speak Russian.

If he resists once he learns English (at school or elsewhere), will you try to force it or feel any disappointment?

No, never. Such a resistance is absolutely normal. It’s his life, his identity. He should pick the language that expresses him and makes him comfortable.

Will you try to teach him Spanish? Would it be important to you to hire a multilingual nanny or send him to a bilingual school?

I am planning to try “Spanish days” when we will have a day each week when we speak only Spanish. I want to do it as a game of sorts. But the moment I see he doesn’t like it, I’ll stop immediately. I would prefer a Hispanic nanny but purely for selfish reasons. For me, few things are harder than having a stranger around in my house (autism). It would be easier for me if the stranger were a Spanish-speaker. We don’t have any bilingual schools around but if we did, I’d just ask him where he wants to go. Usually, kids want to go where their friends are. 

So basically, I’m the most laid back person ever on this particular subject. As a language teacher, I know that the moment any negative feeling or experience attaches to a language, your chances of learning it drop off a cliff. So forcing things in this area is a very counter-productive strategy.

I like such intelligent, interesting questions. Thank you, Hazel!

Americans are like Molière’s Monsieur Jourdain who spoke in prose without realizing it. They all (with very few and very crazy exceptions) believe in the

political, economic, and social equality of the sexes

which is the dictionary definition of feminism. Yet in polls conducted by stupid losers among even stupider losers and published in a rag for the most stupid of losers, they claim they are not feminists. Even though they fit the dictionary definition of feminists.

And no, there are not many definitions of feminism. Use the dictionary already.

One word that I really hate is “Islamist.” When there are perfectly good and meaningful words “Islamic” and “Muslim”, this new-fangled concoction seems to carry no meaning other than a dislike of Muslims. I looked up the definition of the word in Wikipedia and it says:

Islamism is a set of ideologies holding that “Islam should guide social and political as well as personal life.”

There are crowds of Christians who hold the same beliefs. One of them was elected to the highest office in this country twice. Yet nobody called him or anybody else “Christianist.”

It really annoys me when people hide behind verbal games when what they really want to say is, “I hate Muslims.”

N and I had agreed years ago that if we ever had a daughter, I would give her my last name and choose her first name, and if we had a son, he would give him his last name and pick his first name.

So yesterday N set to work choosing the first name for the boy. He doesn’t follow the news on principle, mind you.

“So how about we call him Tamerlan?” he asked. “It’s a beautiful name.”

I had to explain why this wasn’t a smart choice at this particular moment in time.

In the spirit of full disclosure, though, I have to confess that I suggested the name “Mason” after my favorite character from the soap opera Santa Barbara. N had to explain why this was not happening.

I have to say, I’d much rather read about perfect grandmothers than see this in a student’s essay:

There is no justice in the world, and it’s pointless to look for it. The protagonist’s mistake is believing that anybody is interested in truth or justice when, in reality, nobody has the slightest interest in these meaningless concepts. He ultimately pays for his naivete, which is what will happen to everybody who doesn’t see that the world is an unfair and cruel place.

This is really not the worldview I wanted to inspire with my teaching.