Radio Choices

So N came home today and freaked me out with weird pro-Putin speeches the likes of which I had never heard from him.

“WTF STFU LOL KGB FSB USSR but WTF???” I inquired.

“You suggested that I switch from the preacher radio station to something else to expand my listening choices,” he explained.

Later in the evening I took N’s car to go to the store and discovered that his new station was the NPR. First, the commentators discussed – with the kind of mind-numbing earnestness that is the tragic flaw of Liberals everywhere – whether the poverty in Central America was caused by Reaganites or US drug addicts. No other options were offered, of course.

I thought nothing could possibly be more stupid than this discussion and decided to wait for the next segment. It featured a conversation on how you can “enhance the emotional well-being of your cat” so that it “experiences the world as fully as possible” and “doesn’t nag you”. If your cat has an eating disorder, the commentators shared, you need to hide its food in rolls of toilet paper and behind books on bookshelves so that it can hunt “just like it would do in the wilderness.”

“Sick fucks,” I said, switching the station over to the preachers where I heard the sensible advice to keep my dirty tea towels in 3 different boxes to make doing laundry easier. At least, this was not followed with fake concern about Central Americans. which was an improvement already.

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Schuman Banned by Russia

The talented Rebecca Schuman whom I adore for, among other things, for supporting Ukraine and saying that Russia’s economy “an oligarchic empire of blood-thirsty hyper-capitalist thugs” has been banned in Russia. Having one’s blog blocked by the censorship of the Russian federation is a sign that one is one the right track.

Of course, I’m now kind of (actually, very) envious that the Russians banned Schuman but haven’t deemed my blog worthy of banning. Hello, Russians! I’m sitting right here, telling the world that your President sucks dick and you are stupid for supporting him. My posts on Putin’s disfiguring Botox treatments and his ridiculous vanity are legendary. My analysis of Russia’s stupid imperialism is profound and insightful.

Wake up and ban me already.

Dutch Balls

The only person in Netherlands with some balls only has tiny little ones:

Pieter Broertjes, the mayor of the city of Hilversum, used a radio interview on Wednesday morning to call for 29-year-old Maria Putin, who is said to live in Voorschoten with her Dutch boyfriend, to be thrown out of the country. . . Broertjes later apologised for his remarks via Twitter, saying they were “not wise”, but adding that “they stemmed from a feeling of helplessness that many will recognise”.

Of course, all of these disgusting freaks should have been thrown out of civilized countries back in February when sanctions still could have had some effect. But even today it would make sense not to keep these Europe-hating losers living the high life in Europe on the money they got from their banditry. 

They Are Still Doing It

By the way, the terrorists who brought down Flight MH17 are still shooting into the skies. They have brought down 2 Ukrainian carriers since the tragedy of Flight MH17. There is absolutely no reason for them to fear the consequences, so they just keep doing it.

Unknown Country

Hans de Borst, father of one of the victims of the terrorist attack that brought down Flight MH17, wrote an impassioned letter to Putin about his horrible loss. There is a part in the letter that is very telling:

But suddenly she is not here anymore! She has been shot out of the sky, in an unknown country, where there is a war going on!

Borst’s country is a lot smaller than Ukraine but he doesn’t see anything wrong with dismissing it as “unknown.” Ukrainians are so dedicated to the idea of becoming part of the EU, to being finally considered as real Europeans. That is a fool’s errand, though. Once you are on the margins, there is no getting out of that role. Just ask Spain, a country which paid very dearly for its obsession with finally joining Europe.

The center needs the margins to exist because without them it will stop being central. Russians understood this very well and decided not to be the “unknown country” or the margins. So they are now trying to organize a new group where they will be the center.

Here is a response to Borst’s letter from Alexandra Kovaleva, a Ukrainian.

Come on, People!

What, nobody will even try to guess? It’s a classic of American literature. Every day I see at least one student reading it. It’s the most popular book on campus after The Game of Thrones. It was recommended to me right here on the blog as a book that anybody who is even remotely interested in the United States has to read.

In case anybody is too literally minded, the book is not about Jews at all. But the part about women is quoted pretty much verbatim.

The non-Americans probably have no idea but Americans should know.

Can You Guess What Book I’m Reading?

My name is Jacob Rabinowitz, and here’s the story of my life. I grew up in a nice Jewish family. I will never forget the good times we had when my father would come home from his work stiffing nice old ladies out of their last penny. Like any good Jew he was greedy to the point of oblivion. By the time he’d be back from the pawn-shop, Mom would return from whoring all over town, which is something all Jewesses do as part of their identity.

We’d sit down to a dinner of some plump and juicy Christian babies, and I will never forget the lovely stench of garlic emanating from the whole family. Uncle Moishe would come by, bringing our share of proceeds from the conspiracy to rule the planet that all of us Jews were in on and we would have a grand old time discussing how we’d fooled everybody by faking the Holocaust. That was one good hustle!

Of course, after my Mom went crazy because of all that whoring and Uncle Moishe choked on a rib of some particularly nasty infant, I knew immediately whose fault it was: Gentiles! I hate those vicious anti-Semitic creatures who keep coming up with ridiculous stereotypes about us Jews almost as much as I hate women.

Brrr, women. The domineering, castrating creatures that are weak and frail by nature should be kept in line by us, men.

So I knew what I had to do to combat anti-Semitism. Praise our Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven for showing me that the best way to stick it to those mean anti-Semites was to convert to Christianity.

Tenure Dossier Woes

Preparing one’s tenure dossier is back-breaking work, people. And I mean that literally since I’m running all over the place with very heavy folders that I need to scan and enter into the Internet-based system. As my Jewish luck would have it, I belong to the first generation of tenure applicants at my school who have to complete the entire tenure dossier online. This means that all of the massive paperwork I have prepared over the years now has to be scanned and entered into the online system.

What really bugs me is that I can’t enter any of the citations of my scholarly work into the dossier. Seven scholars from different countries have cited my research. Yes, it might seem like nothing, but to me these seven citations are priceless. The problem is that all of these are citations of the articles I published before starting my tenure-track at this university. So they don’t count. Nothing of what I did before starting here counts. This is obviously fair and just as it should be, but it isn’t exactly like I’m drowning in citations of my later work. 

Yes, these are very trivial problems. And I’m very much entitled to worry about something small and trivial for a change.

Child Labor

On my favorite show Shark Tank I often see kids aged between 7 and 17 who “own businesses” and whose parents gush happily over how the kids work all day long making money. There are also articles such as these:

The child savant is a hot ticket, evident in the gush over Flynn McGarry, the 15-year-old Los Angeles cooking prodigy, whose pop-up dinners are sell-outs. In Silicon Valley, competition for young talent is now so intense that interns as young as 13 are scouted; Facebook flies in kids with their parents to meet Mark Zuckerberg. It’s not uncommon for some to make a year’s salary in a summer, or receive a $100,000 grant.

What I don’t get is this: isn’t child labor against the law? I always thought that one of the greatest achievements of organized labor was outlawing the practice of making children work. Isn’t that still true? What is the deal with 13-year-old interns and 9-year-old “business owners”? These kids have their childhoods stolen from them and nobody bats and eye-lash. 

Tom Frank on Obama

Tom Frank has been publishing some really garbagey articles lately, but there is a paragraph in the most recent one that does make sense:

In point of fact, there were plenty of things Obama’s Democrats could have done that might have put the right out of business once and for all—for example, by responding more aggressively to the Great Recession or by pounding relentlessly on the theme of middle-class economic distress. Acknowledging this possibility, however, has always been difficult for consensus-minded Democrats, and I suspect that in the official recounting of the Obama era, this troublesome possibility will disappear entirely. Instead, the terrifying Right-Wing Other will be cast in bronze at twice life-size, and made the excuse for the Administration’s every last failure of nerve, imagination and foresight. Demonizing the right will also allow the Obama legacy team to present his two electoral victories as ends in themselves, since they kept the White House out of the monster’s grasp—heroic triumphs that were truly worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize.

It’s true that the whole “the bad, mean right-wingers are not letting me do all the wonderful things I would have done otherwise” spiel is getting old. Five and a half years of hearing the same excuse has become nothing but annoying.