>Ross Douthat’s Suggestion on Sex Ed
>I haven’t been commenting on the NY Times‘ opinion columnist Ross Douthat lately for fear of boring my readers with endless criticisms of this ignorant woman-hater. However, his suggestions for high school sex ed programs are too hilarious to be missed. For Douthat, the best kind of sex ed program – the one that will finally reduce unwanted pregnancies and STDs in teenagers – is
an abstinence-oriented program with a strong community-service requirement, and a comprehensive program that essentially provided life coaching as well as sex ed: participants were offered “academic support (e.g., tutoring); employment; self-expression through the arts; sports; and health care.”
Get it? Teenagers are interested in sex, so we should try to distract them with community service and tutoring. They will, without a doubt, get so fascinated by these super cool activities that they will immediately forget all about sex.
This idea that academic support and community service can control the raging hormones of teenagers must be some kind of a new scientific breakthrough. I wonder if Douthat has brought this discovery to the attention of the scientific community. Who knows, there might be a Nobel Prize for him in the near future.
Of course, an ugly, inarticulate, dogmatic religious fanatic like Douthat must have been incredibly unpopular in high school. While everybody around him was exultantly engaging in sexual exploration, he must have been hanging out in boring religious youth camps, hating everybody who was having a good time. Today, he is still tortured by the idea that somebody somewhere might be having a good sex life. This is why he strains his feeble intellect in a search for ways of preventing teenagers from having sex. It is obvious, however, that the best way never to get laid – whether as a teenager or as a grown-up – is to be like Douthat.