Inspired by this great comment thread following a post by our friend Z, I decided to start a thread that will allow us to blow off steam through practice of obscenity. Swearing aloud or in writing is a great mechanism of psychological hygiene.
Feel free to swear in any language about anything that annoys you or bugs you.
I will make this post sticky for a while, so scroll down for new posts.
Clarissa's Blog 
I will start by quoting what I wrote in an email to a friend the other day about feeling sick again. The quote is in Spanish. 🙂
Se me empezo la segunda vuelta del mismo puto virus de la puta mierda de la reputisima madre que lo repario.
I feel better already.
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What kind of a f**king ridiculous suggestion is that? To swear, of all the goddamn things??? Where is your f**king decency??? 🙂 🙂
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Nah, let’s do it the real way. it’s a FUCKING ridiculous suggestion!!!
Now, that’s better, I think. 🙂
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I’ll just do it in English, I am too tired to do it in Japanese or Russian or Yiddish.
Fuckitty fuck it all, do I hate worthless shit stupid bureaucracy! I want, no *need* that fucking money from financial aid, and I need it now! By Lucifer’s saggy left nut, what do you mean you can’t process it until the 20th, what am I supposed to do on the meantime, live off tit milk and vinegar? Who do you have to screw to get a break in this fuck’s forsaken system?
And another thing, BC, why the ever loving fuck are you waiting until the end of the year to get rid of the HST? We voted to put an end to that thing a month ago! Oh, riiiight, I get it, you’re trying to fool us by getting rid of that shit stupid invention of yours right around election time… right? Well I could fill the Legislature with all the fucks I give about re-electing you, and I vote NDP anyways. Stop smelling your fingers to see if they have enough of the aroma of your own asses on them and get rid of it, NOW!
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Wow! A round of applause to you my friend!!! I’m going to be memorizing parts of this for my own use.
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Thanks. 🙂 Lordy, that felt good.
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I am afraid that even in a great province of BC these prostitutes also known as politicians will find the way to introduce FUST (aka fucking unharmonized sales tax) instead of a HST…
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Lucifer’s saggy left nut!!
I shall steal that forthwith.
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Great job! [Takes notes.] I’m a wimp when it comes to profanity, but here goes:
I hate stupid fucking bus stations. Especially at night, when some asshole is trying to be “friendly” and leering at you, when you’re in goddamn 3-inch heels and carrying 25 pounds of crap from work. If the bus had been five fucking minutes later, I would have declared defeat and charged a motherf***ing regional taxi trip to the grant.
Also, can Financial Aid stop being a bunch of dickwads and billing me for classes I’m not taking, then not applying my scholarship to the ones I bloody well sit through every flipping day? The fact that the fucking computer system keeps kicking out my birthdate isn’t a legitimate reason to piss on my parade.
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What a fuckload of fucktons. Mindfuckingly boring.
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I’m already happy I started this thread. I’m discovering that, contrary to popular opinion, one can swear inventively in English.
Fuck politeness! Long live subversive language of all kinds!
Watch out, vile jerks! (Who are not people in this thread, of course).
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Amen! Or, more appropriately for this thread, pizdets.
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Metafilter is the shit
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Last semester my students found a really great site, scientific, for Brazilian swearing. Very good.
I want Faroese expressions involving the Devil. They are creative, vicious and very long.
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Thing that piss me off? How about the bastard Tory Government that I’m being forced to live under that going to charge me 9,000 motherfucking pounds A YEAR just to do a fucking undergraduate degree! And they’re giving parts of NHS to the fucking private sector! They’re Eton educated pricks, born with silver spoons in their mouths.
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Do you attend a private uni? They can do pretty much what they like. But state-owned institutions are supposed to be the exact opposite, aren’t they? I thought India inherited the model of ridiculously inexpensive and excellent state colleges and universities from our darling colonial vampires.
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I haven’t started uni yet. I’ll be applying this year. The fees will go up that year too, universities are allowed to charge £9000 a year from this point onwards, so the huge majority of them will do for a number of reasons:
1) Because people are going to go to a universities whatever they charge
2) Because if they don’t charge £9000, it directly hurts their funding.
3) Because if they don’t charge £9000 there is a perception that they are inferior institutions to will charge the top prices.
In essence, if I want to become a teacher I will be living in university debt for the rest of my life. If at anypoint in my life a may want a house, I’m obviously going to have a mortgage too.
so yeah, I’m pissed off.
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And rightly so. I used to think pointlessly expensive undergrad ed. was for the private sector shaped after the US college cost model. An English friend of mine once said, when he encountered the annual cost of attending a US uni, “Thank god I didn’t have to mortgage my future just to have one”. Those happy days are now, apparently, over.
Are you finishing school, Jamie? Or did you take time off after school?
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I was 17 in July. I’m doing my A-levels at a Sixth Form
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It’s unbelievable how smart some of today’s very young people are. I would have never guessed you are 17.
What a shame that your country doesn’t do something to allow its bright young people to get an education without pauperizing themselves.
What the flying fuck, people? Seriously. . .
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I really appreciate the compliment, thank you.
Uni fees aren’t really anything I’m losing sleep over though. I’m going to go either way, so its pretty much a fate I’ve already accepted. What worries me is that they aren’t ever going to go back down and the implications that has on society as a whole.
Its just such an irritating system, that really does piss me off so much. Fucking Conservative Neoliberal morons.
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When I hear a teen say “Fucking conservative neoliberal moron”, I know I’m going to like that kid.
I’d never have guessed you’re 17 either, Jamie. Watching the post-liberalising young people in my own country had really lowered my expectation of them over the last decade. Thank god for the exceptions.
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Thank you, also.
I always think that Liberalism as a philosophy is somewhat contradicted by Neoliberalism, which restricts what one can do with their lives if they lack the capital. But I’m not really the most qualified person to judge that.
Also, my last post came up as ‘Anonymous’. I though my details were automatically imputed. Ah well
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As Zygmunt Bauman says, the consumption society offers you an endless choice of things to consume to obscure from you the fact that the most important choice of all is inaccessible to you: the choice not to consume. 🙂
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Does this mean I am no longer the youngest regular commenter at Clarissa’s Blog?
Awww fuck me.
Just kidding! Glad to have you!
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I just read a post, which made me kind of sad –
“A steadily increasing number of elementary and middle schools are embracing the notion that having gender (male and female) segregated classrooms can eliminate the distractions that exist in having mixed classrooms. ”
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/09/08/seperate-but-equal-in-kindergarten/#comments
Since you’re an educator too, albeit in university, I would love to hear your pov, Clarissa. Personally I’ve always studied in gender-mixed institutions and prefer it this way. Gender segregation supports this hateful to me idea of innate differences between men & women, which are better served by treating them differently. Also seeing other sex as not normal people like you, but as in this horrible book tytle “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”.
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That’s quite a coincidence, el. I’m about to publish a post on exactly this topic.
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Oh, I agree with you completely. What are the kids being socialized for in these schools? Life in a gender-ghetto. I can’t imagine anybody but the fanatically religious (or the snobs who see it as fashionable) placing their kids in such a school.
I have no patience with this idea.
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I am not sure it is about religion any more, although religious folks may be happy to board this train for their own reasons. I see it more as about making kids into productive little machines, effective at what they are doing no matter what. In this narrow view, school is a place where one gets marketable skills (or prerequisite for marketable skills, like reading and counting), and all distractions have to be eliminated.
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My sister is looking for a future school for her kid right now (the kid will only turn 2 in late November, but in Montreal one has to start early), but the selection is between schools in Westmount (vomit, vomit, vomit) or schools for girls only (triple vomit, vomit, vomit). Sad.
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I am not familiar with the French school system of Montreal, so I cannot recommend anything. However, from the way you write about it, Westmount vs all-girl, I conclude you are talking about private schools. Why not a public school?
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They have now decided to socialize the kid as an English-speaker, so it has to be an English school. I was originally not in favor, but we discussed it at length and I now completely understand the decision.
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I also understand their decision. However, as far as I understood, neither your sister nor her husband are Montreal-born who attended English public schools in Quebec. Thus, they will have to opt for fully-private English school, without any state funding. Aka a school for extremely rich kids. The value of such schools for socialization is highly questionable, IMHO. One of my senior colleagues had their daughter in such school and it resulted in all kinds of issues (will not go into details publicly to avoid these people being recognizable).
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The father went to an English-speaking school in the US, so that doesn’t count. My sister went to CEGEP Vanier and McGill but that also doesn’t count. They are extremely unwilling to get the kid into the rich-folks’ school. Their dislike of frou-frou rich people of Westmount is almost as big as mine. 🙂
There is one private English school outside of Westmount but you need to start collecting letters of recommendation and evaluations for the kid already. Once again, she isn’t yet 2. The kids have to be evaluated based on “how well they play with others and integrate into a group”. Autism-hatred much?
In keeping with the topic of this post: FUCK BILL 101!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK WESTMOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK AUTISM HATERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yes! Fuck Bill 101!
Seriously, now it is over for us, but some time after we arrived to Montreal I started to publicly wonder if there is some anglophone separatist movement which would separate Montreal or at least Western part of it from Quebec.
Also, I see choosing the kids by the schools as deeply problematic, not only from the autism hating viewpoint. According to my observations, selecting better than average kids is the ONLY fucking reason so called highly ranked schools are highly ranked. The teachers are not better than average. Many are downright fucking spoiled and feel personally offended if any kid presents any difficulty. When we arrived to Montreal we talked one of those top-ranking schools into accepting our daughter without the entrance exams everybody else wrote half a year before when we did not even know we are coming to Montreal. Of course, she did not know French. Which deeply offended some teachers, especially the French ones. One would tell both to our face and to our daughter’s face “what are you doing here if you do not know French”. The other offered herself as a tutor at THRICE the going rate and got nasty to our daughter when we refused. After a year of this shit we moved our daughter to lower-ranking school in a middle-class neighborhood where she was much happier. By now she is at one of the top three Canadian universities.
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My niece Klubnikis was born in St. Mary’s hospital in Montreal. How is it reasonable or acceptable to say that a kid born in the same hospital next door can choose what school to attend while she can’t? She is a citizen of Canada who knows no other country. How come she is a second-class citizen punished for where her parents were born? And how are we supposed to explain to Klubnikis why her little friends from daycare can go to school all together but she has to be a little pariah? She’s a kid, for God’s sake! She doesn’t understand Bill 101 or anything like that.
I identify deeply with your daughter’s story. When I came to Quebec, I spoke French. I wasn’t a native speaker but I spoke it well, could read anything in French, had studied the language for years and absolutely loved it. But then, after the whole drama of my sister’s schooling and the really nasty attitude of many people towards my non-Quebecois accent, I was completely put off French. And now I can’t even say anything in thelanguage.
My sister and her fiance speak beautiful French. He speaks French at home with his parents and sisters. However, in terms of identity, neither of these two people who have lived in Quebec since, respectively, 16 and 18, feel like they have managed to be integrated into the French-speaking identity. Something is deeply wrong with that.
And the teachers at those sought after schools are so used to being courted by desperate parents that they become insanely condescending. recommendation letters for a 5-year-old, imagine that!
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Oh, this seems appropriate given your recent post on ridiculous training requirements from universities:
Tutoring training. Seriously!? TUTORING training. You have got to be fucking kidding me! Tutoring is like the lowest of the low in the teaching ranks. It what smart kids do to earn a few extra bucks on the side… and because I am tutor employed by the university, you’re going to require me to go to tutoring training!? For 4 goddamn hours! On a Saturday!? Without pay!!!! You do realize that I do this tutoring for these kids out of the goodness of my heart (oh, okay, and a line on my CV, but that’s not the point), and if I were in it for the fucking money I could be making TRIPLE the amount per hour you’re paying me by offering my services privately. TRIPLE. And that’s before I trying in the areas where the rich silverspoon bastard kids live. What can you possibly tell me for four hours that I don’t already know!? I’ve taught 3 classes, I’ve undergone TA training (which was also a fucking waste of my time), and I’ve won goddamn awards for my mad teaching skillz! Seriously. I tutored for the university last year, can’t you just fucking grandfather me in!? It’s not like I’m some n00b undergrad, I’m a senior PhD student, and I’m fucking masterful, thoughtful, and otherwise trained (by the best teacher: experience) from one of the departments with the highest standards for fucking grad student teaching (again, where I’ve won awards <- !!!), and you think I need to undergo tutoring training!?!?! Fuck you and your mother for wasting my time you sons of bitches.
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Tutoring training?? I thought I’d heard every stupid things but this? And for somebody who is a grad student and has done this before?? What a complete and total waste of everybody’s time. This is really crazy.
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Bill 101 bashing? Now I will start to swear for real:) I am terribly sorry that Quebec is not some sort of shopping centre where we can all decide the language in which our kid will be able to `socialize.`
But seriously, why does this decision seem rational to you?
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The problem is not that people are not allowed to choose the language of instruction. If all schools were francophone, nobody would have a problem. The issue here is discrimination. Two kids, both citizens of Canada, both born in Montreal. But one has the right to pick and choose while the other one can’t. It’s the unfairness that bothers people so much. The government of Quebec turned it into a shopping center for some and a Soviet-style distribution system for others.
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Got it. Keep in mind that anglophone schools were kept to protect the minority`s right to get an education in English. But no worries, the good liberals of Jean Charest with their nasty bill 103 will make things easier for those in Quebec who want education to be like a Mall.
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‘Keep in mind that anglophone schools were kept to protect the minority`s right to get an education in English. ”
-“The” minority? I had no idea there was just one minority in Quebec. What about the allophones? What about English-speakers from other English-speaking countries? How are they worse than home-born Anglos?
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—Keep in mind that anglophone schools were kept to protect the minority`s right to get an education in English
Maybe they were. But by now it feels that the goal is to make immigrants into Quebec less likely to leave Quebec for other parts of Canada, people from other places of Canada less likely to come to Quebec, and in general to prevent mixing. (And one can see it everywhere, not only in language laws. All Canadian provinces have agreements about reciprocal acknowledgment of provincial health insurances. “Quebec has opted out”. Etc.) In other words, I see Quebec’s policies as an attempt to protect Quebec’s francophone identity, and to do so by force, reducing the choices of the immigrants.
Do not know about the mall, but having a choice between both official languages of Canada would be nice. If you are confident in attractiveness of Quebec, French language and francophone culture – you have nothing to fear.
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I couldn’t agree more with all V. is saying. In the end, these measures end up being completely counter-productive. Immigrants who come to Quebec with curiosity and a sense of liking for the language and the culture of Quebec are turned off by the discrimination, the contempt, and the constant droning as to how the allophones are such a huge threat.
If somebody stood over you and constantly repeated that you have to eat your favorite food and tried to remove all other kinds of food from your reach, how long would it take for you to start hating that formerly beloved food with a passion?
The way a linguistic identity is formed is a very delicate matter. You can’t force a language onto people and expect them to adopt it with joy. As somebody who has been teaching languages for 21 years, I can absolutely assure you that when a language becomes associated with any kind of trauma in a person’s mind, the chances that this person will ever learn to speak it well become practically nil. Just like you can’t force somebody to love you, you can’t make them speak a language. It just doesn’t work this way.
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I still wonder why the decision seems rational, however.
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Which decision? To socialize the kid as an English-speaker?
As I explained at length, the Francophone identity in Quebec is not welcoming to immigrants. The Anglophone identity is. The parents don’t want to doom their kid to assuming an identity within which she is inferior because her name isn’t Tremblay.
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I think George does it best….. 😉
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Brilliant!!! Thank you!
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I hate fucking September, fucking getting back into the routine, the fucking weather getting cold and realizing that another fucking winter is around the corner.
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Ostie de calisse de tabarnak d’administration universitaire a marde.
There. I said it. Without the appropriate accents, but the frustration is all there.
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Ah oui? Pourquoi crisse?
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I work in a University where administrators are like parasite. They proliferate and they eat all the crops, ulike tenure-track, competent professors, who are some sort of endangered species.
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I read this in a former anarchist forum:
I am an intellectual elite for pointing out that gender is bullshit? Go fuck yourself, ******* ******* Are you a fucking anarchist or not? Either you are against gender hierarchies or you’re not, you idiot!
And fuck you *****, you’re on my ignore list now you twat. Go to hell. And how is implying that I don’t get a lot of sex mean that my position is inferior? Only macho assholes think that having sex a lot shows superiority. You people have major hangups on sex. I don’t base my ego on it. I don’t wag my dick around like you guys do.
It’s you fucking teenage dicks that make us all look like immature assholes. It’s thanks to you fucktards that anarchism is not taken seriously. Fucking macho bullshit. Get the fuck out of your fucking bubble of fucktardishness for once and learn some fucking respect for fucking human beings instead of treating them like fucking tools for your own fucking macho self-advancement, you fucktards!
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Now it’s my turn to cuss because somebody just put me in a vile mood. A silly little fool whose hateful post about Ukrainians (see “Are Ukrainians Anti-Semitic?” Post) just had the gall to come here to tell me – a Ukrainian Jew – about how I’m supposed to interpret my experience and that of my family. And do you know why he feels he has the right to appropriate other people’s experience? Has he worked with archival materials, spoken to survivors, anything?
No. The stupid little shitwad read 2 Wikipedia articles, so now he’s an expert on my life.
Fuck all the fatherfucking cultural imperialists who believe they have the fucking right to speechify about matters they fucking know nothing about. Stupid, idiotic Wikipedia-loving ignoramuses who learn about the world from sources everybody ridicules. Fuck such losers from here to eternity.
Oooph.
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That’s great! 🙂
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I’m still not over it, folks, so I’m about to get especially nasty.
That stupid victim of a failed abortion dares to suggest that he knows Ukrainians exterminated Jews in 1941-45 because of what might have happened in the fucking 1648. Maybe he should take his garbagy Wikipedia and stick it up his constipated ugly ass. Maybe that will help him release some of the shit that has accumulated so much that it now overran his sorry excuse for a brain. Jerkwad.
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—Maybe he should take his garbagy Wikipedia and stick it up his constipated ugly ass. Maybe that will help him release some of the shit that has accumulated so much that it now overran his sorry excuse for a brain.
I am afraid that sticking Wikipedia up his/her ass would make him/her even more constipated, probably permanently. 🙂
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OK, I might have failed on my medical advice, but I’m understandably upset.
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requiring an apple corer, or the surgical equivalent (Burroughs)
“Room for One More Inside, Sir.”
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Lovely Quebecois accent. I miss it. 🙂
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I knew this would be a popular topic! 🙂
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I fear this topic may rapidly become my favourite just because of financial aid woes.
By God’s gracious Arse, I don’t understand any of this ridiculous crap. I’ve filled out so many dull forms and made so many phone calls, explaining that yes, I’m a dual citizen, so no, I don’t have to pay those outlandishly awful international fees, so my tuition and fees should be completely covered!
Fuckity, I thought they were covered until you conveniently emailed me after classes start to tell me they don’t? Did you pull them out of your ass? Please, enlighten stupid little me on your magical bureaucratic thinking! Don’t leave hungry, miserable me here in the corner speculating wildly, I’d just love to hear what fucked-up logic you’ve applied to make me worry some more about not having enough money to complete my education, the one thing I want to do more than anything else, let alone have enough to live off of!
… *sob*
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Gosh, I know what you are going through. We are having our own fight with mindless bureaucracy here, and is it ever annoying or what?
There is no thinking behind these bureaucratic requirements. They exist to make everybody constantly scared, worried, and stressed out. Just imagine what amount of sheer suffering is experienced right now by people who are being put through the bureaucratic wringing machine.
Jerks! Vile, vicious, nasty, stupid, hateful jerks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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so:
yo estoy hasta los mismísimos cojones de tener que darme de hostias con un puto ordenador y la más rancia de las webs sólo porque los gestores de la UNED de mierda son una banda de gilipollas destalentados que se dedican a chuparse mutuamente los putos pies, y de tener que cumplimentar un jodido formulario tras otro para que los miserables del ministerio de educación se dignen a darme una puta beca sin la que obviamente no puedo seguir estudiando la maldita carrera de los cojones, y encima de toda esta mierda los muy cabrones me vienen con que tengo que saberme la puta fecha de caducidad del DNI de mi madre y de mi padre, y mientras tanto todo dios se toca el coño, y a mi no me da la puta gana de estarme así hasta el 20 de octubre.
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God, I miss Spain. What a beautiful country and what a great way to curse!
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Yeah, Spanish is the best language to course of the ones i Know. I would love it if it was posible to swear like that in basque, but it is not, such a fucking shame.
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If you can teach us some swear words in Basque, we would all be grateful. 🙂
What do the Basque people swear with?
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we swear in Spanish, basically. It’s something known about basque, that you can not swear speaking it. You simply can’t, you haven’t got any word to do it, apart from “putza” that is “shit”, and, well, “izorra(tu) hadi”, which I don’t like ’cause it means “get pregnant!” but it would be translated “fuck off!”, anyway. Then you could call someone/something “madarikatua!” but that comes already from latin, and it means “damned” (adjectives go after the noun in basque).
Then actual basque people swearing is just a uncomprehensible shouts and some “ostia puta” and “me cagüen Dios” in between.
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The Basque language seems to share a lot with Ukrainian in this respect. 🙂 We also have no swear words of our own and have to borrow them from the Russian and the Poles. The Ukrainian people are so non-aggressive that they never even came up with their own way to swear. 🙂
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Does Catholicism have anything to do with it? There’s a Ukrainian Catholic school in my backyard; well, adjacent to my backyard.
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No, my part of the country is Orthodox.
Catholics actually swear amazingly well. Look at the Spanish speakers. They are light years ahead of Anglo-Saxons in terms of swear words. 🙂
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yeah…. but I think basque people are aggressive! but well, we’ve traditionally thrown out our frustration and envies throught land-work competitions…
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When I was going to write my previous commet, I thought of relating it with catolicism, but then I’ve remembered that basque language is much older that it’s people’s catolicism, and then, as Clarissa said, there you’ve got Spanish-
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I’m assuming Basque isn’t the same thing as Catalan. What do you make of this?
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another funny video, cussing comes in about half way through:
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Here’s what I say to Call of Duty hackers: were you born a motherfucker or you made it through hard work, dedication, and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ?
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You show those losers, sweetie!
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Cunting drivers. Shitfucking planes. Sour dicks, God’s balls.
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After years of taking English language and lit classes, I am finally getting a real education in English.
I should have started this thread much sooner. 🙂
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A particularly excellent example, courtesy of Valerie Keefe
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Somehow this seemed apropos.
Nice theme, BTW. I usually read this in a feed reader.
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Ah, thank you!
I’ve now quit worrying about this theme because it gave me nightmares already.
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