Ukrainians Rule

Did you, people, know that the famous video game Metro 2033 was developed in Ukraine? I should have guessed immediately because who else but a Ukrainian can fantasize about a nuclear strike devastating Moscow? (It’s a joke that my Russian husband really appreciated, so there is no need to get scandalized.)

It’s good to see that Ukrainians can create products that become popular all over the world. We all remember, I hope, that the first computer and the first computer network were created in Ukraine, right? And I also hope we remember that “Ukraine” does not require the definite article and the accent falls on the second syllable. I can’t tell you how tired I am of “the ÚK-raine.”

In the meanwhile, Russia is conducting Putin’s elections. (Yes, of course, Putin will win, what did you think?)

Penis or Family Jewels?

A conversation with a senior colleague:

Clarissa: Do you remember this play we saw last year?

Colleague: No, what play?

Clarissa: The one with a penis!

Colleague: I have no idea what you are talking about. What was the play’s title?

Clarissa: I don’t remember the title but there was a naked guy in the play. With a penis!

Colleague: Who was the author, then?

Clarissa: I don’t know. I just remember the penis.

Colleague: Oh, was that the play where we bought jewelry during the intermission?

Clarissa: I don’t know from jewelry. The penis is all I retained from the play.

Colleague: Yes, that was some really cool jewelry.

Is Having a Lot of Sex Shameful?

I have nothing but the most sincere sympathy for Sandra Fluke who testified at a hearing on the medical coverage of contraception and is now at the center of a shitstorm organized by sexually repressed miserable folks on both sides of the partisan divide. Here is what Rush Libmaugh had to say about Fluke:

It was Sandra Fluke who said that she was having so much sex she can’t afford it. […] She’s spending $3000, $1000 a year, on pills and she’s going broke and wants us to buy it. […] By her own admission, in her own words, Sandra Fluke is having so much sex that she can’t afford it. […] Does she have more boyfriends? They’re lined up around the block. Or they would have been in my day.

I don’t understand why anybody would listen to the guy who repeats the same thing like a broken record, makes strange logical connections, and is so out of touch with reality that the difference between condoms and other forms of contraception eludes him. From this quote, Limbaugh’s show sounds tedious as hell.

But I don’t see what’s offensive about this particular quote.

I copied it directly from a  progressive website that is scandalized by the quote. Mind you, I have no idea what was said in the parts that the progressive website edited and put in […]. I’m reacting to a reaction, so to speak, and for the purposes of my post, what matters is the text that the progressive website in question found offensive. This is how the progressive blog responded:

And still, with the exception of mealy-mouthed demurring by John Boehner and Rick Santorum, the gutless Republicans have nothing to say about these attacks. If the Speaker’s daughters Lindsay and Tricia had been Limbaugh’s targets for these scummy attacks, would he have just said the guy’s words were “inappropriate.”

Now I want everybody to breathe very deep and look back at the quote from Limbaugh. Yes, we all hate Limbaugh. He is stupid, he is vile, he is an uneducated, stupid jerk. But let’s look at this particular quote because I’m trying to make an important point.

Where precisely are the “scummy attacks” in the quoted text? Is having “so much sex”, “more boyfriends” and people who are “lined up around the block” something bad? What is so offensive about being sexually active and popular? Limbaugh is an idiot and a clown, we all know that. But what about the progressives who take the phrase “she is having so much sex” as some huge insult?

Limbaugh’s position is, at least, very clear: “I can’t get it up any more, so I hate everybody who can.” The author of the progressive post, however, has me very confused. He seems to think that having a lot of sex is something that happens but it is a reality that is so offensive that it should never be mentioned in polite company.

There is a lot of sexual repression going on here on both sides. All that differs is the way in which the conservatives and the progressives manifest how much sex horrifies them. The verbiage changes but the substance remains the same.

Enforcing Charity

And the prize for the weirdest “parenting technique” of the month goes to the following:

There’s a parenting technique where people force their children to give to charity in an attempt to teach them the value of charity. For example, they might require the kid to put aside a certain portion of their allowance for charitable donations, or they might make a rule that the kid isn’t allowed to get presents at their birthday party and instead the guests should make a contribution to a charity.

Of course, there is always teaching by example. Giving up one’s own luxuries and gifts in a quiet and unassuming way, making sacrifices to help the needy, things like that. But who needs all that trouble when you can unburden your pent up aggression by persecuting a defenseless child while sighing hypocritically about how it’s all for a good cause?

This reminded me of the time when I was taking tango lessons and my teacher would stand next to me and yell, “Be sexy, Clarissa! I TOLD YOU TO BE SEXY RIGHT NOW!!!”

Being ordered to be sexy is as productive as being forced to be charitable, which is why I can’t dance tango worth a damn.