So I’m snoozing on the beach, right? And I hear a man’s voice that says in Russian, “Come on, girls, stop climbing the railing. What will people think? That everybody walks on the footpath like normal people, and only the Russians have to act all weird? Remember that people see us as representatives of our country abroad.”
Obviously, I was eager to see this defender of the image of Russians, so I opened my eyes. I saw a family: a man, a woman, and two precious little girls who were, indeed, trying to climb the railing. The man was a huge, burly Russian in minuscule shiny speedos that were smaller than even those worn by aging Italian gentlemen. He was also wearing a gold chain that was as thick as my finger. I have very small, dainty fingers, but still just imagine a chain like that.
Hanging from this chain there was a huge gold gymnast. A gymnast is a big golden cross that the Russian nouveau riche used to wear to show off their recently acquired wealth. A gymnast was a status symbol. the Russian bandits competed as to who could afford the biggest gymnast. I thought that this habit was a thing of the past but here was this Russian with a gymnast that was literally bigger than my head. Seriously, it was a humongous thing that looked especially bizarre against the background of his naked chest and tiny speedos.
I’m sure you can all guess why this golden cross is called “a gymnast”, right?