I’m completely anti-cheating (in my own life, that is. Everybody else should do as they please, of course) and pro-honesty, but I can’t make sense of the following excerpt from an article at Hugo Schwyzer’s blog:
Infidelity hurts. The fact that cheating is invariably banal and terribly common does little to soothe the shock that comes with learning that a partner has been unfaithful. It’s axiomatic that sexual betrayal causes ripples of damage; children are often devastated, family members deeply hurt, friends confused and disappointed.
I have really got to ask, how do all these people (children, family members and friends) find out about the intimate details of a couple’s sex life? Does a cheating spouse call a family meeting where the family elders, small kids and babes in arms all sit together in solemn silence as the cheater announces, “Friends! Citizens! Family members! Yesterday, I slept with somebody who is not your Daddy! (Or Mommy, as the case may be). Now let’s all take a vote on whether I should do it again.”
Or, alternatively, “People! Humanity! My husband (wife) and your parent, sibling, child, relative and colleague cheated on me three times in five different positions! Here are some graphs and drawings of the act that will make you understand exactly what happened. After that, you can all share your opinions with the group.”
In response, babies start to wail, the elderly have massive heart attacks, and the rest of the participants begin arguing passionately about how they should cast their vote.
Of course, if a person is dumb enough to discuss his or her sex life with children (family members, neighbors, etc.), those children (family members, neighbors, etc.) have much greater issues than their parents’ (relatives’, etc.)sexual antics. Ultimately, the situation that is being discussed in the quoted excerpt is not about cheating at all. Rather, it has to do with the damage caused by people who lack personal boundaries and who turn everybody they know into a hostage of their psychological issues.
P.S. The article itself is quite bizarre because it begins with the following question: “In light of Mark Sanford’s announced plans to marry his longtime mistress, Hugo Schwyzer asks: Is it wrong to rejoice in their union?” I think that unless you know these people personally and quite well, “rejoicing” in their anything is deeply unhealthy. The moment you start to “rejoice” in the lives of people you see on TV (and nowhere else), it’s time to get a life of your own. And urgently, too. This really reminds me of those folks who care about Obama’s puppies and Romney’s dog more than the political platform of these candidates.
Obviously, rejoicing in the life of your favorite blogger is another matter entirely. A blogger’s popularity is always based on his or her honesty while a politician’s popularity. . . well, you know.
P.P.S. I can’t imagine feeling “deeply hurt” by anybody’s cheating on any other person than me. There can be a whole range of emotions but hurt is really not one of them. I intensely dislike people who claim to be “hurt” by the tragedies of others. Narcissistic drama queens, that’s what they are.
P.P.P.S. I have had my first cup of coffee in days which is what makes me loopy and prone to writing many post-scripts.