Ugly Tomatoes


Cashiers can never figure out my favorite winter fruit.
“Are these tomatillos or are they simply ugly tomatoes?” the cashier asked me today when she saw them.

“No, these are persimmons,” I explained, feeling wounded on account of the lovely fruit.

P.S. The persimmons are lying on a beautiful box a friend gave me for New Year’s.

Funny Search Queries

To finish out 2012, let’s go over the funny search queries that brought people to Clarissa’s Blog recently.

Just in the last month, 12 people came to the blog with the search line mississippi sucks. I wonder if people make similar searches about all other states.

16 people (again, in just one month) came here with the query of scientists are stupid. 3 more folks searched for science is stupid blog posts. I don’t find this very encouraging.

16 people (probably the same ones) arrived searching for moldavian girls. Don’t ask me why this blog attracts this sort of query because I have no idea.

5 people were looking for excrement sex. I’m afraid this blog sorely disappointed them.

4 people wanted advice on how often go to church. Since they asked, my advice is don’t. If you are asking about a church, I’m guessing the name Jesus means something to you. Well, that guy was very much opposed to praying in public. Of course, if you hate Jesus, feel free to continue going.

4 individuals wanted to know who don’t use facebook. My answer is: those lucky bastards who are not forced by a stupid committee to join the stupid Facebook completely against their will.

4 folks asked why do women wear clothes. For the same reason as men, believe it or not.

4 people came asking was adam lanza sick (and this is not counting the 59 people who came with the query was adam lanza mentally ill). I don’t know about you but it bothers me that people are so ready to convince themselves that crime is necessarily a result of an illness.

There were 4 searches of why do men force themselves on women. I don’t know what makes people do such searches when the answer is obvious: because they are rapists! And no, they are not sick. They are rapists. Neither do they have a mental illness, Asperger’s, or any other excuse. They are criminals, that’s all.

Obnoxious searches didn’t end here. 6 persons came here looking for girls wearing inappropriate clothes. The problem is that these searchers failed to specify inappropriate for what. Prissy idiots. These are probably the same fools who are trying to figure out how often they should go to church.

3 searchers wanted to know sexual promiscuity psychological damage. The answer is no. So feel free to have a grand old time, folks.

2 people wanted to know if men want housewives. In this economy? You must be kidding me. I remember that about 15 years ago, 20% or so of male students said they wanted a housewife. In the past 3 years, not a single male student expressed any desire for one. (This is a question from a Beginners Spanish textbook).

There were, of course, searches I liked. 5 people asked does the new york times suck more? Oh yes, my friend. It sucks more with every passing month.