From the Russian Facebook:

“The Pope watched a newscast from Russia, realized that there is no God, and resigned.”

 

“How do you react to anaesthesia?” the doctor asks.

“I never had any, so I don’t know,” I respond.

The doctor frowns.

“You indicated that you had a tonsillectomy at the age of five,” she says.

“Yes, that was done without anaesthesia.”

The doctor looks very skeptical, “You probably don’t remember.”

“Oh yes, I do remember vividly the doctor putting his fist through my face to prevent me from screaming,” I say.

The doctor looks like she is considering getting a psych evaluation for me, so I explain, “It was in the Soviet Union.”

“Ah!” the doctor responds. “Well, we do things somewhat differently around here.”

Since I’ve been seeing her for years and she has never been rude, mean or cruel to me and always seemed completely sober, I kind of got that message already.

OK, I know the story of the guy Dorner who is being hunted by drones is not supposed to be funny but I haven’t been able to stop laughing for the past 10 minutes.

First of all, did the first criminal ever to be hunted with drones on US soil have to be called Dorner? This in itself is lending a touch of the ridiculous to the story.

Also:

Dorner, who was fired from the LAPD in 2008 for lying about a fellow officer he accused of misconduct, has vowed to wreak revenge by “killing officers and their families”.

Talk about a massive dose of overreacting to somebody’s overreaction.

Yesterday, as a task force of 125 officers, some riding Snowcats in the rugged terrain, continued their search, it was revealed that Dorner has become the first human target for remotely-controlled airborne drones on US soil.

125 officers are incapable of apprehending this one guy. I have a feeling the LAPD should have fired everybody except him. That would have saved some money.

In a chilling, 6,000 word “manifesto” on his Facebook page he has threatened to “bring warfare” to the LAPD and “utilise every bit of small arms training, demolition, ordinance and survival training I’ve been given.” . . . Last night, Brian Levin, a psychologist and professor of criminal justice at Cal State University, San Bernardino, said: “We’re talking about someone who basically perceives that a tremendous injustice has been done to him that took his life and identity. “Now he is, quite literally, at war.”

The guy writes a 6,000-word manifesto saying he is at war. A prof studies it and concludes, “You might be shocked but just hear this out. After a long analysis I have arrived at a conclusion that this guy is at war. He might even not be extremely happy about stuff.”

Three days later, he stole a boat at gunpoint from an 81-year-old man at a yacht club in San Diego, near the Mexican border. He abandoned the boat when he could not get its engine to start.

The least loser-like guy at LAPD is still a loser, it seems.

As the manhunt for him broadened across numerous police jurisdictions, police mistakenly shot and wounded a mother and daughter delivering newspapers in a pick-up truck similar to Dorner’s. That incident, in the LA suburb of Torrance, was astonishingly followed two hours later by another in the same area, when police again opened fire on a pick-up.

I really hope he gets caught before the LAPD kills off half of the state’s population to make the guy stand out more. Go look at the guy’s picture. I don’t know how these mother and daughter looked but one has to have very poor eye-sight to make this mistake.

LAPD police chief Charlie Beck, who has pleaded on TV with Dorner to surrender, accepted he might be “difficult to find”, adding: “He knows what he is doing. We trained him and he was also a member of the armed forces. It is extremely worrisome and scary.”

It seems like he is the only guy who took your training seriously, Chief.