One part of the grieving process is that you have to access the grief on regular occasions and let it out in the form of crying, yelling, weeping, etc. To tell you the truth, I’m sick and tired of accessing my grief. It is painful and it sucks to bring it out like nothing else in the world. But it has to be done or it will accumulate inside me and explode in an intolerable manner.
For some mysterious reason, this meme that I found here helped me access my grief, for which I’m very grateful to the person who posted it.
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Gave birth. Buried my child. These are pretty major, I’d say.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes, I wrote 2 articles and submitted a book for publication. This is exactly what I had planned. This year, I want to submit two more articles and finish the first draft of a new book.
3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
I will prepare a Jewish dinner (recipes and photos to follow). Then, N and I will go someplace for the countdown. It is very important to have the countdown on New Year’s night.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My son died.
5. What countries did you visit?
Canada and Spain.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Health. And energy.
7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 5. Because that’s when Eric’s heart stopped beating.
8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
I survived. That’s good enough, under the circumstances, I think. Also, I didn’t turn my suffering into an instrument of torturing others. That’s always an important goal.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I try not to think of what happened in terms of failure but it’s hard.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had diabetes, I had PUPPPS, I had major surgery. It was a year of endless trauma.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Furniture for my bedroom.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Traveling and my analyst.
13. What song will always remind you of 2013?
I’m not into music. It gets in the way of my thoughts.
14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Reading. There can never be enough reading.
15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
16. What was your favorite TV program?
I watched too many good TV shows to name just one.
17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I’m kind of incapable of hating people. They never seem worthy of such an intense emotion.
18. What was the best book you read?
Así se hizo la Transición by Victoria Prego. It’s kind of old but it’s absolutely amazing.
19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Silence is my favorite music.
20. What was your favorite film of this year?
I watched Celda 211 for the first time, and I loved it.
21. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37 and got the ring of my dreams as a gift.
22. What kept you sane?
My husband, my analyst, my sister, my friend Regina, and my blog readers.
23. Who did you miss?
I miss my son.
24. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned.
See my post on the radicalizing structure of severe trauma.
25. What does 2014 hold for me?
I will get a driver’s license and buy a car. Also, I’m hoping that this year I will finally pay off my debts. I would have paid them off this year, but then I needed lots of expensive dental work as a result of pregnancy, and that added a fresh mountain of debt. Also, there will be a lot of research, reading, and swimming. And I hope that two of my best friends from grad school will come to visit me. Hopefully, for my next Birthday.