And this is how people justify helicoptering:
I’m a helicopter parent not because I’m controlling, but because there’s just not a lot of room for my kids to fail. If this were the 1960s, when kids could goof off and get bad grades without grave economic consequences, then sure. They could be self-motivated and self-actualized; they could find themselves in Tibet for a year, and we’d be smiling our benevolent smiles from our fixer-upper Victorian front porches as they ambled home from their adventures. But now, if they don’t get into a good college—or worse, start college and don’t finish—they’ve just got a ton of debt they can’t discharge and no job prospects.
Obviously, this is all a heap of total and complete idiocy. The author isn’t even trying to sound credible.
There is not an instance of abuse and exploitation that doesn’t justify itself as being perpetrated solely for the benefit of the abused. This tells us that abusers are very well aware of the damage they are causing. They are setting a trap for their victims when any attempt at liberation turns the victims into ungrateful, thankless creatures. There are few weapons in the abusers’ hands that are stronger than their insistence on receiving gratitude for the abuse they inflicted.
Physical and emotional abuse don’t differ all that much in this sense. I know a woman who used to be beaten into a bloody pulp by her mother on regular occasions. Every time after a beating, she would have to apologize to Mommy for forcing her to beat the daughter for her own good and tiring out her hand while delivering the beatings.
Instead of turning into happy, fulfilled, self-assured over-achievers, however, children of helicoptering, controlling parents end up paying for the damage caused to them by the parental rage (and the need to control other people is just that, rage) by depression, anxiety, eating disorders, addiction. This is the happy, joyous future towards which controlling parents guide their miserable, scared children.
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