My Language

On the basis of my blogging, text messaging and emails,  my phone is learning to speak my language.

When I write “go to”, the phone suggests the following words to continue the phrase:

1. Fuck yourself
2. Hell in a basket
3. Psychologist

When I write “crazy, the phone suggests:

1. Russians
2. As fuck
3. Expensive

When I write “stupid, the phone suggests:

1. Sheep
2. As fuck
3. Russians


King Midas turned everything he touched to gold. Bureaucrat busybodies turn everything they touch into a pile of steamy, fragrant cowshit.

An example. The most recent craze in higher ed is “sustainability.” Nobody knows what it is but there is a sort of a game we (meaning, institutions of higher learning) are obligated to play. In the game, each school plays for points. You accumulate points by forcing as many educators as possible to mention┬áthe word “sustainability” (in any context) on their syllabi, by making professors prove that every class they teach is “a living laboratory,” and demonstrating that 10% of all class time goes to teaching students about sustainability. I’m sure that will be super easy to do in my Spanish 101 class. And obviously, my graduate course on the Short Form will make us a bunch of points. Shorter means more sustainable, right?