Old News

By the way, that scary cartoon of Russia’s “brand-new weapons” premiered back in 2007. The poor buggers couldn’t even make a new cartoon, let alone a new missile system.

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Naturalized

It’s funny but I do feel different. I came home and immediately cleaned the refrigerator. Because it’s like “what kind of an American an I with such a dirty refrigerator?” And I’m guessing a very typical one but still the need to clean it is strong.

So now I’m an American with a clean refrigerator.

Florida Is Fine

And in the meanwhile, the very excitable and dramatic people of whom I am now one are apocalypsing on a new subject today:

Trump’s buddy President Vladimir Putin has just announced that Russia has new nuclear-capable weapons in the works that “renders defense systems ‘useless,’” according to NBC News. To show off his developing nukes, he pairs his announcement with the chilling video above of a nuclear weapon going straight toward Florida.

The good news is that “the chilling video” is pretty much the limit of what Russians can produce in terms of technology. Their sophisticated state-of-the-art weaponry has a tendency physically to fall apart during military parades. They haven’t won a war against anybody since 1945. And they are at war all the time, and it’s usually more than one war.

So in spite of the “chilling video,” we can all chill. Florida is not in danger.

I Pledge Allegiance

I can no longer say my favorite “I love you, Americans, but you are so wackadoodle” because I just had my citizenship ceremony and I’m now American. Yay!

There were 10 Daughters of the American Revolution at the ceremony, which was super rad because I never thought I’d get to see one in real life. They all had perfect hair and beautiful brooches.

There were 62 immigrants total. The largest group was from the Philippines. The second largest, Hispanics. Mostly Mexico but also Peru and Ecuador. No Spaniards, no Basques. Five very eager Brits. Aside from us, two Russians, one Ukrainian, one Estonian. All women, all emaciated, all deeply enamored of peroxide. Nobody else from Eastern Europe. One Canadian. One Palestinian. One German.

The keynote speaker was very talented but extremely politicized. He gave a passionately anti-Trumpian speech about how “it’s not the best time to immigrate. . . our democracy is in greatest danger ever. . . Forces of darkness in the highest echelons of power. . . promote distrust of the free press. . .rely on the meddling of certain foreign powers. . .”

Then the judge was all, “Erm, it’s not as bad as all that. The student activists in Florida give us all hope. Senator Dick Durbin is the greatest friend of immigrants.”

I almost registered to vote as a Republican because I’m contrarian and this was a bit too one-sided for me. Actually, I didn’t register to vote at all because N had to go back to work and I’m very hungry. They served us a breakfast but I couldn’t have any of it because of my diet.

Thursday Link Encyclopedia

A fantastic essay by Lionel Shriver. There is a paywall but you can get free access for 7 days, and the article is definitely worth it.

And these people are going to sneer at Fox News! We are destroying the media. We are doing it to ourselves. And then whine about the results. This is so self-defeating and pathetic.

The fear of the Norwegian flag. Love you, Americans, but you’ve got to stop navel-gazing so intensely.

Even after college nobody wants to hire them. Imagine what it’s like if they don’t even go to college.

If you are not following the scandal with the Governor of Missouri, you should. This guy is such a loser.

As if the #MeToo movement hasn’t been discredited enough, it’s now been joined by Monica Lewinsky. Turns out she’s a victim, too.