Retrovisor

While it is true that at one time there were no documents required for international travel — no passports, visas, etc. — we do not live in that world any longer. What proof is that older world of anything? We also used to torture cats for amusement and burn witches. Using the past as a guide will often only guide you into a crevasse.

Yeah. . . I listened to a very crazy discussion on TV last night between two pastors who debated whether Jesus was an immigrant and whether the Bible approved open borders.

And it’s so insane because yes, the Bible was written many centuries before the invention of the nation-state and the attendant concepts of citizenship, national anthem, immigration, visas, the welfare state, and the national soccer teams. It’s not a huge insight. It’s like saying that Jesus never used dry cleaning services or never watched TV. Well, duh. This is not an interesting discussion to have. It’s unbelievable that adult, intelligent people would say, “Well, Jesus was never asked for a visa on his travels.” Jesus also wasn’t asked to show a driver’s license when he was stopped while riding his donkey. So fucking what? Let’s denounce driver’s licenses?

It’s especially cute when people post these inane observations about “undocumented Jesus” on Facebook. Because I’m sure Jesus had a thriving FB account, right? No? Then how dare you have one?

Baking Fracas

As fantastic as I am as a cook, I totally suck at baking. Today I decided to bake cookies. I hate cookies. Never touch the bastards. But moms bake cookies. I’m a mom. So I have to bake cookies.

I didn’t attempt anything crazy. I got those store cookies that are premade, precut, and all you have to do is plonk them on a baking sheet and put them in the oven. I did exactly what the instructions said. Bake at 325°, 12 minutes, don’t overcook. So that’s what I did and. . . the nasty things are completely raw. Fuck this. Happens every time I try to bake.

I’m a person who makes beef bourguignon, bouillabaisse, chupe de mariscos, coq au vin, paella, etc as a matter of course. I love 6-hour-long recipes where everything is made from scratch. I’m telling you, folks, I rule. My husband is a lucky man because he’s the type of guy who ends at the emergency room after eating a slice of pizza. But my baking is worse than my ballet dancing, which is non-existent.

Beginning of Life

Klara is grappling with the issue of the beginning of human life.

“When grandpa was born,” I tell her, “he was a tiny little baby, and his mommy and daddy. . .”

“And where was I?” she asks suspiciously.

“You weren’t born yet.”

“I was born! I was born, mommy! I was there when grandpa was a baby. He was so cute! And I was his mommy. And he was my mommy!”

“And who was I, then?” I ask.

“You were the aunt,” she explains without skipping a beat.

(I already explained that before she was born, she was a very tiny baby in my tummy until she was ready to come out, and that went over great.)

Hypocrisy and Climate

The current Conservative government is now considering plans that are even more extensive: reducing the UK’s CO2 emissions to zero by 2050.

It’s cute but utterly irrelevant. Who cares what tiny little UK does when China is industrializing and India and Africa are preparing to industrialize. The main challenge for environmentally concerned is how to convince the Chinese, the Indians and the Africans not to want the same standard of living and the same level of consumption as the West.

You can’t solve a problem that you don’t name. And the issue surrounded by the greatest amount of hypocrisy is climate change. I don’t like what anybody has to say on climate because it’s all dishonest and skirting around the issue. The real problem is that the planet can’t afford to let everybody living on it to industrialize like the West did and reach the same levels of consumption. It doesn’t sound cute, so nobody wants to say it but that’s precisely what it is.