So I received some unpleasant news on Monday. It’s not a big deal but I was bummed. Disappointed, angry, bored, restless, in need of reassurance.
Five minutes after I got the news, Klara became impossible and continued being so for days after. I thought, ah, terrible threes are upon us. But the analyst explained that she’s acting out my feelings. Not only does she know exactly how I feel (although I obviously don’t show it), she is not old enough to perceive the difference between my feelings and hers. She thinks my feelings are hers. So she feels disappointed, angry, bored, restless, and in need of reassurance but she has no idea why. And she’s going to keep enacting my emotions until I get over them.
This feels creepy as fuck because I don’t like anybody to have access to my intense emotional life. And I can’t just press a button and stop feeling what I’m feeling. I’m just sitting here, not bothering anybody, and quietly emoting away in private. But no, I can’t. First, I couldn’t go to the bathroom without company and now I can’t emote on my own. Jeez. OK, I’m off to try to make myself feel better because I can’t take another week of these collective negative emotions.