I’m Not a Man

Like Orthodox Jews thank God for not making them a woman, I often thank God for not making me a man. Because then I wouldn’t get to spend weeks planning a toddler birthday party, designing invitations, getting the unicorn decor, stuffing 24 goody bags with unicorn poop, unicorn bath toys, unicorn blowers, and unicorn candy bracelets, tying each bag with a tiny rainbow tie, and putting a sticker of their own design on each, planning snacks for kids and adults, and then unpacking the presents*, and writing thank you cards to each friend with another sticker of their own design.

This is really a ton of fun. I wouldn’t want to be deprived of it for anything. I know I’m supposed to be all, OMG, this is unpaid labor, I’m such a victim. But this is so enjoyable, I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

And yeah, yeah, men can do it if they want and somebody somewhere must have even seen a man who has done it. But 99,99% of this stuff is done by women. Because we are smart and know that this kind of stuff makes you live longer.

* We hid most of the gifts and are introducing them at a rate of about 1 or 2 gifts per week. By fourth of July, we’ll get through all of them. She’s little and wouldn’t enjoy dozens of gifts at once. This way, she has time to explore each gift in detail.


One thought on “I’m Not a Man”

  1. And I’ve decided not to resist certain kinds of departmental service. I know it’s women’s work and not fair, and these are things I normally don’t like, but here hosting all this social stuff and doing event creation and sponsoring student organizations MATTERS. Also the AAUP stuff MATTERS, although that’s more draining and has to be limited. But those little parties and coffee hours and whatnot, they’re not actually a drag even though they are time and heck, maybe they do keep you alive longer.


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