A Difficult Relationship

Found this on FB and it’s priceless. I feel like I’m stealing a text but there’s no linking, so what can I do?

“Long post ahead.. PLEASE GIVE ME ADVICE

Here is an exhausting relationship for you. I need to get things off of my chest and this seems like the best place to do it, so here goes.

We’ve been together for a while now. I love him, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. He’s beautiful and can be so sweet and loving. But everything is so one sided. He doesn’t work, doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean. He contributes nothing to the house except for messes that I end up cleaning up myself. And he doesn’t appreciate anything I do, doesn’t even seem to notice the majority of it. For the most part he’s always in a good mood, but when he gets upset, he becomes so unreasonable. There’s no talking to him about it. His communication skills are severely lacking. So most of the time it’s just a guessing game of trying to figure out what’s bothering him this time. Like dude, just tell me what’s wrong, how can I fix it or make it better. He won’t tell me.

He always wants me to do what HE wants to do. Even when I spend nearly all of my time with him, he wants more. Sometimes it’s hard to even get things done like laundry, or dishes cause he expects me to be 24-7 available to him. He will even WAKE ME UP in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, to cater to him. Because he wants to eat or hang out. I rarely get a decent nights sleep and he doesn’t care how it affects me during the day.

Like I said, I love him more than anything. But it’s so much. I try venting to my friends and family but they are always making excuses for his behavior. “JENNI, he’s only 3 years old…He’s just a toddler. Things will get better.” but I don’t know. Do people really ever change? Or is he just toxic?”

No Better

I honestly don’t understand how an eager neoliberal like Buttigieg is better than Trump. Of course, Trump is all bluster and little action on being anti-neoliberal. But empty bluster is better than open, wide-eyed worship that masks as progressive solely because its proponent is married to a guy. We already swallowed another fanatical neoliberal just because he was black. And then almost swallowed another one just because she has a vagina.

Maybe it’s time to stop.

Fear Thy Neighbor

Buttigieg has announced that our real enemy is not the government (agreed) but our neighbors (what?) because “your neighbor can make you unfree.”

This sounds deranged but it’s completely in keeping with his deeply neoliberal mentality where everybody is suspicious and fearful of everybody else. Everybody is a locked down repository of unique experiences, grievances and raging desires.

Not a Hero

A colleague comes in as I try to cram some work on my article in the 30 minutes I have before class.

“You are my hero!” she exclaims. “I so admire the willpower you have to just make yourself keep writing all the time.”

People who are not research scholars don’t understand that the willpower is what we use to put aside the research and go do something else. The research is our natural state. Nobody needs to be like this. Most people aren’t, and good for them. I’d never judge anybody for not being a research scholar like I’d never judge anybody for failing to snatch every free moment to sing.

So I’m the opposite of a hero. I’m an extremely self-indulgent, entitled person who is addicted to squeezing the maximum enjoyment out of life.

And it’s the same when people say, oh, you are such a great mother, you spend so much time with Klara, you take her everywhere, tell her stories all the time. But the truth is that I’m doing it for myself. I actually dig painting unicorn figurines and playing dollies on the carpet. I’m goofy and not serious by nature, so I love all this stuff. If I had to make myself do it, I would, but I’m lucky in that I don’t.

Discarding the Past

That the Notre Dame burned down because of stupid carelessness deepens the analogy. Westerners are throwing away their civilization because they can’t be bothered to care. It isn’t evil design. It’s stupid carelessness.

And no, it can’t be “rebuilt.” And the artwork can’t be xeroxed. 800-year-old timbers can’t be replaced with plastic. I’m kind of terrified people don’t understand that it can’t be rebuilt. A plastic replica can be shoved into a gaping wound where history and an incredible gift to us from the past used to be. But the feeling that inspired its creation no longer exists. Without that structure of feeling, the structure of the building is meaningless. We don’t know how to feel what its creators felt.

The whole point is that it offers a connection with the past. You can’t swap it for a newer, shinier version.

I highly recommend Borges’s “Pierre Menard, the Author of Don Quixote.” I don’t think anybody explained this better.