Day: March 6, 2020

It’s a really funny story, and make sure you follow all the details.

When I was young, you know, you make out with a boy, then the boy pretends you don’t exist or you pretend he doesn’t exist, and then you spend tons of time discussing every moment of the interaction with your friends because that’s the whole point of dating at that age, to have stuff to discuss with your friends.

But in my craziest nightmares I couldn’t have imagined discussing who touched whom where with the college administrators. I think I would have preferred to be tortured in Guantanamo to having my dating dramas adjudicated by “adults.”

A graduate student I’m helping prepare for the job market: “So here is my cover letter and teaching philosophy for you to take a look when you have some time.”

Me, leafing through the documents: “You used the word ‘evince’ four times, there’s a definite article missing on page 2 where you say ‘in the course of my doctoral studies,’ and the last sentence on page 3 starts in the same way as the first sentence on page 4. Please change.”

Student: “Wait. You’ve never seen these documents before.”

Me: “Nope.”

Student: “I never sent them to you.”

Me: “Nope.”

Student: “And you noticed all this just by leafing through them?”

Me: “Yep.”

Student: “Oh my God.”

Me: “Yep.”

Instead of firing Chris Matthews, MSNBC should get rid of Brian Williams who doesn’t know basic arithmetic. It’s really sad that complimenting somebody’s outfit is a bigger infraction for a journalist than thinking it takes 320 million dollars to give a million to 320 million people.

I could have had a career in sales. I just recruited two people for my association in the toilet.

I always thought peddling stuff would be embarrassing but it’s only embarrassing if you don’t believe in your product. And I really believe in mine.

P.S. It’s not some random toilet. It’s the toilet at the conference.

For the first time, my conference badge has a

Pronouns: ____________________________

space. Of course, anybody who leaves the space blank is open to suspicions of bigotry.

I immediately got rid of the pronouns line on my badge and decorated it with the purple ribbon of my academic caucus instead.

Of course, this was never going to happen, as we heard constantly and relentlessly.

A transgender woman sent to Logan Correctional Center from a men’s prison has faced rape accusations and remains at the women’s prison in Lincoln after the governor’s office reportedly overruled a move by corrections officials to return her to a men’s facility.

More than one Logan inmate has reported being sexually assaulted by Janiah Monroe, known as Andre Patterson by the Illinois Department of Corrections, according to court documents.

Here’s a link to the article but I can’t guarantee it will still be there or it will say what the quote says by the time you read it. It might be edited to say that the raped prisoners were to blame, who knows. It’s also funny how the article insists on referring to the rapist as a woman.

Notice that the governor personally ordered the rapist to be held in close proximity to his victims.

If you have a hundred bucks, it’s enough to give a hundred people a hundred bucks each.