Age Difference

It never occurred to me that in relationships with a significant age difference it’s the younger person that could be exploited. What could you exploit a younger person for? What do they have to offer that’s a valuable, scarce resource? Sex? Well, maybe in 1942. Today, there’s total oversaturation.

It’s like people are living a century ago. Ooh, he got together with a 40-year-old man at nineteen, poor victim. (Everybody knows who I’m talking about, right?). But what could the 40-year-old get from him that isn’t available to great excess on a million dating apps? What the younger guy can get from a successful 40-year-old, on the other hand, is harder to come by.

Disclaimers: I’m only talking about relationships between consenting adults, of course. And I’m not suggesting that all or even most such relationships are exploitative. Ickiness does happen but it’s not a rule. My own sister is married to an older guy, so I’m definitely not a hater of relationships with a decade+ difference. Or any difference.

7 thoughts on “Age Difference”

  1. // Everybody knows who I’m talking about, right?

    Not people outside of US who don’t follow American gay celebrity drama, if I guessed it right. 🙂


    1. The name to Google is Matt Gaetz.

      I agree that 19 and 40 isn’t all that terrible, though in my experience middle aged gay men who consistently date much younger men tend to be immature in important ways and most men their own age won’t put up with them for long. But as I understand it, the younger guy has been living with Gaetz for six or seven years. If the relationship is sexual, then it possibly started when the younger guy was 12 or 13. 12 and 33 is not an acceptable age pairing.


      1. Ok, I wasn’t trying to say anything about Gaetz who adopted a refugee and raised him.

        I was talking about Glen Greenwald and his husband. Gaetz is only being rubbished because he made a black congressman look ridiculous.


  2. As for age difference exploitation, I somewhat disagree. Many men are into having someone who’s dependent on them and who will go along with whatever they say, and an 18-19 year old can be very good for this, especially if they’re a very immature person with psychological problems. These are men who refuse to date women their own age because they’re too assertive. However, I don’t claim this age difference is inherently exploitative, and there’s absolutely no reason to suspect that was the case with Greenwald, nor is there any reason to so thoroughly scrutinize someone’s marriage. And now people are trying to claim people in their 20s can be “groomed.” Ridiculous!


    1. This is the growing puritanism in the US. Greenwald has been with the husband for 15 years. Let’s get over our outrage about their relationship already. But people think that disliking his ideas is a reason to question his private life. That’s disturbing.


  3. Pairing up 39 and 60, or 49 and 70 doesn’t bother me in the least. I can’t say I understand the attraction, because I personally never felt tempted to pursue much older or much younger people, but it falls under “To each their own” or “Whatever rocks your boat.” Both parties are adults and should be free to do whatever they please.

    However, when it comes to 19 and 40, they are not both adults. One is a teen and the other is middle aged. To me at least, it’s not the age difference per se, but the low age of the younger person, who is (speaking of the average for that age) immature, inexperienced, naive, and, because they don’t yet know who they are or what they want, prone to being groomed and all sorts of manipulation (which someone much older can easily do). I also find it hard to imagine what someone who’s 40 wants from someone who’s 19 and (relatively speaking) a total baby, if it’s not someone to easily manipulate and control (taut flesh is a bonus).


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