It has become clear that I need to move to Florida. I feel so alive and energetic here that it’s almost funny. Love the climate, the lifestyle, the landscape, the people, everything.

If anybody is hiring, I’m a great colleague, very friendly, haven’t been involved in a single academic feud in my whole life, good schmoozer, tons of publications, very non-woke, extremely bad memory which makes me incapable of holding a grudge for longer than 3 minutes, some administrative experience, zero complaints from students in 20 years of teaching, don’t care what I teach or what textbook is used, very busy with my research and personal life to care about the things that often have academics at each other’s throats, never had a problem filling a classroom, honestly don’t notice half of what’s happening around me, extremely non-envious, a seriously comfortable person to be around because I just don’t give a crap. Plus, I recently got into perfumes so I smell real nice.

Please consider this a job application and reach out if you are a languages department at a university in Florida.