It wasn’t easy to convince my sister to get this selection of 4 ceviches to share. She was originally planning to eat the whole battery of ceviche herself.

These are phenomenal ceviches with real corvina.

More Vacation Neurosis

By the way, I had my own neurosis surrounding beach vacations. Soviet people tend to have one because beach vacations were a big deal culturally. We went on them as often as we could but we were a sick, broken society, so we accumulated mental traumas in the process.

My beach neurosis was of the same nature as N’s but it manifested physically instead of mentally. I’d have a brilliant time but then exactly at the half-time mark I’d get sick and become incapacitated. If no illness lent itself to my neurosis, I’d start getting injured.

I’ve had everything on these vacations. Bronchitis, severe colds, gallbladder episodes, hypertension, diarrhea, allergic reactions to insect bites, cuts, burns, mysterious limps. Always at the half-time mark and always in the most intense version.

I got this cured. I’m leaving a vacation that I massively enjoyed and during which the worst physical discomfort I suffered was a mosquito bite.

Unbearable Affects

As I mentioned before, my husband experienced terrible abuse as a child. One of the effects is that he’s terrified of having a good time. He feels that if he enjoys himself, a cosmic punishment in the form of some horrific calamity will be visited upon him. This gives him terrible feelings of rage and anxiety.

He’s been working on this with his psychoanalyst for a long time. These feelings receded pretty quickly in all contexts except beach vacations. He really loves beach vacations but they were all spoiled for him by what psychologists call “unbearable affects.”

It would have been easy to numb these feelings with alcohol, drugs, or medication. Alternatively, he could invent a narrative where he doesn’t go on vacation because he’s too busy at work or it’s too expensive or there’s some other excuse. But he kept working on it with the analyst.

And guess what? It helped. We are going home today after a two-week beach holiday during which unbearable affects didn’t make an appearance.

It’s very, very hard work to fix a broken psyche. It’s easier to hide behind the idea that “this is simply how I am.” But we were created with a capacity for great internal peace. We have all been given the gift of joy, tranquility and pleasure. If this capacity has been broken by life, we can recover it.

False Hope

Russians signed an agreement to let grain shipments leave Ukraine unimpeded. And then a few hours later Russia bombed the main Ukrainian port that ships grain. Just a few hours later. The few hours during which the NATO didn’t expand, I might add.

I don’t know what else needs to happen to make it clear to people that appeasement won’t work. “If I give the bully my lunch money, he’ll become sweet and won’t hurt me again” is not a workable plan.

“Why did the Russians sign the agreements if they weren’t going to honor them?” naive people ask.

They signed precisely because they weren’t going to honor them. It’s so much fun to give false hope to the people you despise and then crush it.