Advice to a Young Mother

Published by

Clarissa

August 12, 2026

Reader el asked for suggestions on raising her daughter, who is now 15 months old. My best, most important, completely crucial advice is this:

Be kind to yourself. Make sure you do things that are pleasing to you and that you enjoy every day. Try not to put yourself on the back burner too much. Try to do things that are physically enjoyable. I don’t know what it is that you are into: baths, candles, chocolates, whatever gives you physical pleasure. You are not taking time and attention away from your child. To the contrary, when you do things that you enjoy, you are giving your child the greatest gift of a less anxious mother.

Whatever helps you to not be anxious and returns you to yourself, to your own center, is wonderful for the child. I discovered bullet-journaling when my kid was a toddler, and that made me a better mother than a hundred parenting books ever could.

At another difficult moment, I bought liquid hand soap with scratchy bits inside. I find it very pleasurable to wash my hands with these little scratchy bits. It’s a small thing, but it totally upped my levels of enjoyment of life in general.

People keep looking for situational remedies for children’s behavior instead of concentrating on the biggest contributor to a child’s well-being at this very young age, which is a low-anxiety, low-stress mother. And I understand that being a mother is anxiety-producing and stressful by default. Which is why I’m saying: small things, small enjoyable things that are not time-consuming and that make you feel a bit less anxious.

Here is another thing: you are both running on your psychic energy right now. She doesn’t know yet how to generate her own. When your psychic energy runs low, she begins to act out because that’s her way to demand that you recharge the energy battery. And the way you recharge the battery is by doing enjoyable things. Instead of feeling guilty for indulging themselves, as mothers often do, they should remember that this is the best thing they can do for their children. Obviously, I’m not talking about antisocial drug-addicted, prostituting mothers. My suggestions are for great, loving, dedicated mothers like yourself.

You’re doing fine. It’s going to start getting easier. Not very soon, but soon enough. You need to go through a tough couple of years, and after that it will get easier.

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2 responses to “Advice to a Young Mother”

el

August 12, 2026

Thank you for the wonderful post.

I am on a summer vacation till 1.09, so it’s as low-anxiety and low-stress as it can get. 🙂 I do spend all the time with her except for naps, of course.

How did you manage though when Klara misbehaved?

\\ You need to go through a tough couple of years, and after that it will get easier.

At the age of 5-6?

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1. Clarissa
  
  August 12, 2026
  
  By age four, it’s already much easier. Once they start talking and can entertain themselves, even in short 15-minute stretches, it’s a game changer. Between 1.5 and 3 is the hardest, for sure. You have to hunker down and remember that every problem you’re experiencing with your child is a stage. They go through stages, then they grow out of the stages, and you forget the stages even existed.
  
  When my kid misbehaves, at that age or at any age, I say in a grim, severe voice: “No, I do not like this behavior. This is a behavior that I do not like.” That’s it. I don’t go into details and give speeches about why I don’t like the behavior unless it’s something that she truly can’t figure out by herself. I am a mother who usually flows with rivers of milk and honey, so a sudden change in my demeanor to a grim, serious no has a big effect. Yesterday, for example, I had to do it, and that’s it. The problem was solved. I didn’t have to go back to it again.
  
  Of course, if everything is a no, then soon enough nothing is. Before saying no, I recommend thinking: why is it a no? Is it really important that it’s a no? Then proceed from there.
  
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