Clarissa's Blog

To be honest, I don’t like either approach. I believe in the complementary nature of marriage. My husband and I both pack for the beach or a picnic. After 19 years together, we know exactly what the other person is likely to forget and supplement each other’s lack without having to talk about it. It’s very enjoyable to discover that the Very Important Thing, which, once again, I forgot to bring, is in my husband’s bag. He knows me. He knows I’m likely to forget to bring it, and he steps into the breach.

One of the best parts of marriage to me is having a person who knows without having to be asked when you need him to step in. Every packing situation is an opportunity for us to engage in a wordless dialogue of people who know and understand each other on a deep level. And it’s not just packing. There are household items that my husband uses a lot, and I don’t. I replenish them as a matter of course so that he exists amidst an unlimited supply of them. He brings me tea at the same time every day, like clockwork.

I don’t want to be either praised or criticized for bringing too much stuff to an outing. I don’t want to perform in front of an audience in my marriage, be that audience kindly disposed towards me or not. To me, participating in a wordless dialogue of people who exist on the same wavelength is a lot more valuable than putting on the mantle of a solitary hero who is responsible for everything.