Clarissa's Blog

No, absolutely not. And I don’t believe that a reputable specialist would offer this form of counseling. You can’t have therapy in such a deeply unequal relationship. Your mother played an enormous role in forming your psyche. You played zero role in forming hers. What she needs to discuss in therapy has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you. What you need to discuss in therapy has a lot to do with her.

If a mother is offering to go to therapy with her child, I’m sorry to say, but that’s not a great sign. If the child is considering it, that’s an even worse sign. On the positive side, if such an adult child wants to start solving her psychological problems, she should know exactly where to start. The entry into the process is in considering the fact of her mother’s refusal to play the motherly role.

I suggest spending some time pondering what I said earlier. You did not raise your mother. You were not there for her formative years. She got completely formed long before you showed up. Zero, and I repeat, zero of her psychological problems have had any input from you. You cannot fix the relationship between the two of you because you did not set any of its terms.