The really funny addendum to the preceding post (which you should read before this one or the joke won’t land) is that when N and I got married he had no credit cards and consequently no credit score. We actually had a fight when I suggested that he get his first credit card. N is extremely even-tempered, so this was one of the very few times in 19 years that I’ve seen him get angry.
The reason was that he didn’t believe me when I told him how credit cards work. N was certain that you were obligated to carry debt and pay interest. I explained that you can pay your entire balance every month and never pay a dime of interest.
And he didn’t believe me.
“I read that Americans carry almost a trillion dollars in credit debt,” he said above a whisper, which with him counts as almost yelling. “And you are saying they could just pay off the balance each month and never pay interest? That makes no sense.”
“Yes, people are legally allowed to pay off the balance at any moment,” I confirmed.
“That’s not possible!” N insisted. “The credit card companies wouldn’t be able to exist. There’s no business model for this. Nobody would willingly pay 15% interest!”
“It’s between 25 and 35%,” I clarified. “The business model is based on human nature. People understand that they will end up paying much more for whatever they bought on credit but they accept that.”
“Such people don’t exist!” vociferated N at above the pitch of rustling leaves which I heard him do exactly twice in our entire relationship: during this conversation and later when he was teaching me to drive, and I gingerly ran a stop sign, almost colliding with an oncoming vehicle.
“I carry $16,000 in credit card debt,” I reminded him.
“You wouldn’t if you understood that it’s economically disadvantageous!” N parried, betraying a complete lack of theory of mind for human beings.
After days of, “I promise, honey, you will be allowed to pay off the balance before incurring interest. Please believe me this one time. You can make one tiny purchase and see for yourself. I promise it will work. I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t know for sure,” N grimly applied for his first credit card.
Now it’s his hobby to milk every credit card in existence for points and cash without paying a cent in interest.
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