Since I wrote this post, people have been bombarding me with questions and quoting Hugo Schwyzer recent really good and convincing post titled “Love is never about wanting to be first.” The point of the post is that searching for sexual innocence in a partner is wrong and constitutes evidence of weird ideological hangups. Hugo is right, that’s what it is. Except when it’s a genuine sexual preference one has. Just like there are people who are into BDSM, polyamory or any seemingly unconventional sexual behavior, there are people who are genuinely into having sex with sexually unsophisticated partners. It doesn’t mean that they are into dominating the partner or serving as their teacher outside of the bedroom. That’s simply who they are sexually.
So how do you know if you are talking to somebody who is simply into sex with innocent partners for no ideological reason as opposed to a Fundamentalist freak who uses sex to serve an unhealthy sexual agenda? Like genuine polyamorous or BDSM folks, such a person will never lecture you about the number of partners you have had or try to show you the error of your ways whose only “defect ” is being different from their ways.