As hurtful as these comments were, though, they got me thinking. I felt I couldn’t deal with yet another romantic disappointment, so I decided to give these commenters the benefit of the doubt. As I analyzed my behavior, I realized that the ignoramuses were right. The problem was located in me, in my own psychological issues.
So I called my sister.
“I just had the most crucial insight ever!” I announced. “The reason why my relationship fails is that I want them to fail. I choose men who will disappoint me on purpose.”
“I know,” my sister said in a bored voice.
“What do you mean, you know?” I asked, appalled by her lack of enthusiasm for my psychological breakthrough. “Why didn’t you tell me this? I’ve been suffering for years!”
“I’ve said this very thing to you hundreds of times,” my sister responded. “But you never wanted to listen.”
So I decided to stop the neurotic drama. The first order of the day was to figure out exactly what kind of man and what kind of a relationship I needed. I imagined the man of my dreams in as much detail as I could. I imagined how we would live together, how we would spend our free time, how we would watch movies together, shop for groceries, take walks, discuss books, and even what side of the bed each of us would sleep on.
When the picture was complete in my mind, I knew I was finally ready to enter into a happy, neurosis-free relationship. I was moving to Montreal for my last year of doctoral studies. If there was ever a place to meet a beautiful, enlightened, intellectual and feminist man, that is, of course, Montreal so I couldn’t wait to move there and start my hunt for the perfect man.
But then something happened that changed all these carefully thought out plans.
(To be continued. . . Don’t you love these cool cliff-hangers? 🙂 )
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