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Contest: Stupid Quotes

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Clarissa

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I want to propose a new game for this blog. Let’s bring the most egregiously, mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly stupid things we read on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or anywhere else during the week and share them here. One condition: the stupid thing has to be something that somebody said completely in earnest. I know we all have brilliant imaginations here but the contest will lose meaning if we start inventing stuff.

The person who brings the the best stupid comment this week wins.

I bet that nobody will find a quote as stupid as the one I saw on the blog of our favorite quasi-philosopher:

Philosophy, like a virgin, is wasted on the young.

Now try topping that!

I will make this post sticky for a while, so scroll down for new posts.

82 responses to “Contest: Stupid Quotes”

  1. Izgad Avatar
    Izgad

    Their is some strong evidence to suggest that brains do not develop the ability to engage in critical thinking until they are over eighteen.

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      The author of the quoted statement is definitely over 50.

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  2. Evelina Anville Avatar
    Evelina Anville

    Here is one that I read a while ago. Blew my mind. I actualy feel sorry for the author (who is a woman) because she seems so unhappy. But this might be the dumbest thing I have ever read:

    “Men are different. . . . Their minds are free of emotional restraints, the better to allow them to ponder the stuff of eternity. There’s a reason why Socrates was a man, why Plato, Aristotle, Aquinas, Augustine, Joyce, Eliot, and Shakespeare were men. The “dead white male,” that most despised creature in modern academia, is an archetype precisely because they were the ones who thought in leaps and bounds. They were the geniuses who laid the foundation of our modern society. The occasional Jane Austens were the exception, not the rule.”

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      Jesus, what a miserable creature. “Minds free of emotional restraints” – what is this even supposed to mean?

      Thank you for this valuable contribution!

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    2. Benoni Avatar
      Benoni

      “There’s a reason why Socrates was a man, why Plato, Aristotle, Aquinas, Augustine, Joyce, Eliot, and Shakespeare were men.”

      Because the sexism of earlier times forbade women to be scholars?

      What a hideous, worthless person he must be to validate himself in terms of his gender.

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      1. Benoni Avatar
        Benoni

        Whoops, didn’t read that she was actually a woman. 😛

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      2. Evelina Anville Avatar
        Evelina Anville

        “Whoops, didn’t read that she was actually a woman”

        I know. It’s shocking that a woman wrote that about her own gender. It’s understandable that you misread it!

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          I’ve met women who LOVE to argue this point. It’s always the upbringing. They always confess that they were told in childhood that they were worth less than their brothers. 😦

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      3. bloggerclarissa Avatar
        bloggerclarissa

        No, why go for the obvious answer when one can invent an outlandish theory about men not being emotionally restrained, or whatever?

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    3. Lindsay Avatar
      Lindsay

      Even more ridiculous, I wonder where she gets the idea that these guys were all such cold fish? Socrates and Shakespeare we know little of, it’s true, and I don’t know a whole lot about Thomas Aquinas or Plato, but James Joyce and St. Augustine? They were both very intensely emotional! I can’t see anyone reading Augustine’s Confessions and *not* getting the impression that he felt things more, not less, keenly than most other people.

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      1. thevenerablecorvex Avatar
        thevenerablecorvex

        It’s funny you should say that, because I always imagined Augustine as a bit of a drama queen, theatrically gesticulating in woe at the sin of the world.

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      2. Lindsay Avatar
        Lindsay

        I did too, LOL.

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  3. Leah Jane Avatar
    Leah Jane

    I got one! This came from someone’s Facebook: https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/390426_417085345021961_1360207194_n.jpg

    (For those who can’t see, it’s a black image with red and white lettering which says “Since sex got easier to get, love got harder to find”.

    What rubbish.

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      I shouldn’t be reading this while my students are writing their exam. Do you have any idea what it took for me not to start weeping with laughter when I read it? 🙂 🙂 🙂

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      1. djiril Avatar
        djiril

        Heh. I always wondered what my teachers were doing up in front of the classroom when we were working on our tests. Now I know.

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          🙂 🙂 Everybody is human. 🙂

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  4. Titfortat Avatar
    Titfortat

    Wherever you go, there you are. 😉

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    1. Pika Avatar
      Pika

      That’s actually a title of a book on mindfullness meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn. In the book it means something that very nicely links to Clarisa’s recent post on psychoanalysis/psychiatry. Namely, that wherever you go, if you don’t actively work on solving your issues in some way (which may or may not be meditation), there you are, with your problems exactly as they were before. Because nothing will be magically different, you will still be the same old you, unless you do something about it. So in this context, I don’t think that this qualifies as a stupid quote. Rather, it is quite truthful.

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  5. Evelina Anville Avatar
    Evelina Anville

    I have one more. This is going around many conservative blogs (I have a sick fascination with reading them.):

    “Birth control is for sissies.”

    Can you imagine actually thinking that? There is even a Tshirt with the “slogan.”

    http://www.ironiccatholic.com/2009/03/birth-control-is-for-sissies.html

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      What is it even supposed to mean?

      As Obama said in his most recent speech, these people live in an alternative universe.

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      1. Evelina Anville Avatar
        Evelina Anville

        I think it’s supposed to mean that “real women” have as many babies as possible and to use birth control is “wimping out” of your womanly duty. Alternative universe indeed. 😉

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          Aha. Still sounds very insane. 🙂

          Poor brainwashed creatures.

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      2. David Bellamy Avatar
        David Bellamy

        Curious. I thought it meant that if you don’t want babies, you don’t have sex. Problem solved. Sissies lack self control, after all!

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          I initially thought it had to do with how the fear of STDs was not macho, or something.

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      3. Evelina Anville Avatar
        Evelina Anville

        “I thought it meant that if you don’t want babies, you don’t have sex. Problem solved. Sissies lack self control, after all!”

        I think it could mean that too. Who knew the slogan had so many meanings? 😉 But I stumbled on the slogan on the websites of several (generally Catholic) married women who are anti-birth control. Many of these women are having their 6th, 7th child etc. They are all rabildy anti birth control. It’s really crazy.

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  6. Leah Jane Avatar
    Leah Jane

    Speaking of “Real Women” junk:

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      And how about all those real women who are either happily single or happily lesbian?

      OK, I have now started arguing with these miserable creatures. This is not a good sign. 🙂

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  7. Kellen Avatar
    Kellen

    So wait, they’re saying that “A virgin is wasted on the young”?? How creepy!

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      Yes, a “wasted virgin” just slaughtered me. So insulting.

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  8. David Bellamy Avatar
    David Bellamy

    This is so full of nutty quotes that I cannot easily pick one before I go to teach my next class:

    http://thinkprogress.org/election/2012/09/14/851401/values-voters-women/

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    1. Rob F Avatar
      Rob F

      Not actually a quote to nominate, but anyone who thinks that seeing immodest women (and it’s always women) will cause lust/etc. in themself should, if they are unwilling to close their fucking eyes or turn their goddamn head away should be made to follow deBeauxOS’s suggestion.

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    2. Evelina Anville Avatar
      Evelina Anville

      Well I rarely agree with you Rob F but that’s a fantastic suggestion! It really made me laugh. 🙂 Thanks to Clarissa for coming up with a topic that brings economic conservatives and economic liberals together. 😉

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      1. Evelina Anville Avatar
        Evelina Anville

        Ooops. I just realized I mixed up Rob F with Matt for some reason. Sorry Rob. I have no idea what your economic politics are!

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          Rob F is very progressive, actually.

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      2. Matt Avatar
        Matt

        I am glad my strong economic conservative views have left a memorable image here 🙂 and I would think Rob would/should be honored to be confused for me so no reason to apologize! (half-saracasm here 🙂 )

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          Yes, people see you everywhere. 🙂

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    3. Evelina Anville Avatar
      Evelina Anville

      “Rob F is very progressive, actually.”
      I apologize for the flub. 🙂 I don’t know why Rob and Matt became conflated in my mind!

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      1. Rob F Avatar
        Rob F

        Everyone makes mistakes.

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      2. Rob F Avatar
        Rob F

        No offense taken.

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  9. Annette Lyss Avatar
    Annette Lyss

    I don’t have any particular quote in mind right now, but I get really tired of seeing people post grammatically incorrect sayings and “posters” on FB. It makes me want to scream. The worst is the use of “Your” instead of “You’re”.

    For example: “Always remember, your beautiful!”

    I didn’t realize I had a beautiful. I must have forgotten 😉

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      “I didn’t realize I had a beautiful. I must have forgotten ”

      – I know exactly what you mean. 🙂 It is SO annoying!

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    2. Lindsay Avatar
      Lindsay

      Or this: “Your fat!”

      What? What about my fat? Finish the sentence, gods darn you!!

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  10. N G Avatar
    N G

    I think that I won. Canadian Conservative MP Rob Anders compared the War of 1812 to the current war on terrorism in his constituent newsletter three days ago. True! I can’t make this stuff up if I tried.

    “The war of 1812 [sic] ensured that the historic traditions of British liberty would live on in North America. It gave strength to the Canadian militia movement and to the notion of a citizens [sic] duty and responsibility to bear arms for the defence of the nation.

    These same principles of freedom, liberty and volunteer military service are alive today and have guided us through the last 10 years of warfare against Islamic terrorism.”

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    1. Ol. Avatar
      Ol.

      Really?!?! In my view you won, NG.

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      1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
        bloggerclarissa

        Yes, I have to agree that the 1812 comment is intense. This is why I always say, “Just say no to drugs!”

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    2. thevenerablecorvex Avatar
      thevenerablecorvex

      Isn’t Rob Anders the one who said that Nelson Mandela was a communist, terrorist liberal posterboy about ten years ago?

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    3. David Gendron Avatar
      David Gendron

      These con-serv-haters are freakazoïdly retarded.

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  11. djiril Avatar
    djiril

    From an article about how Harry Potter is luring kids to Satanism:
    As a real witch, I learned about the two sides of “the force.” When real witches have sabats and esbats and meet as a coven, they greet each other by saying “Blessed be”, and when they part, they say “The Force be with you.”

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    1. David Bellamy Avatar
      David Bellamy

      I have never heard Witches say “May the Force be with you,” except in jest. I cannot imagine saying this.

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      1. kelly Avatar
        kelly

        I don’t even know what the sentence means. Have to go out and get a Witches’ dictionary. Maybe later I will be able to follow up.

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      2. Lindsay Avatar
        Lindsay

        I think this person is mixing up being a witch and being a Jedi.

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      3. djiril Avatar
        djiril

        “I don’t even know what the sentence means. Have to go out and get a Witches’ dictionary. Maybe later I will be able to follow up.”
        Well, the important thing is that this person is claiming to be an ex-witch to establish credibility so they can claim that Harry Potter promotes witchcraft, but seems to have witchcraft mixed up with Star Wars.
        Sabats and Esbats are real things that Wiccans do, some witches do say “blessed be” sometimes, but “may the force be with you,” is a quote from the Star Wars movies and not anything associated with witchcraft.

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  12. thevenerablecorvex Avatar
    thevenerablecorvex

    “”She has concluded that the most urgent need facing the Brokest Nation in History is for someone else to pay for the contraception of 30-year-old children.” Thank you Mark! Good Lord, the democrats are a bunch of useless fools; how anyone can take them seriously is beyond me.”
    –Someone on my facebook, commenting on Mark Steyn, commenting on Sandra Fluke

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      This is just sad.

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  13. musteryou Avatar
    musteryou

    Some ape told me that men and women speak different languages and to think otherwise was a fringe view. I replied that being on the fringes was great because communication was so clear there, I could talk to either men or women and they would both understand me.

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      The idiotic “Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus” book is an international bestseller. Which tells you a lot about the number of stupid people out there.

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      1. musteryou Avatar
        musteryou

        So many people are prepared to pay a huge price for a small sensation of superiority. Imagine sabotaging so many of your future relationships with the belief that men and women simply aren’t on the same wavelength. You may feel that your wavelength is higher and that’s why she simply cannot ‘get it’, but if you live with that belief for long enough, you’re not going to be able to get much out of the relationship either.

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      2. djiril Avatar
        djiril

        Egads! I read that book for a class and I couldn’t believe what the guy was trying to convince a couples to do. He says a woman should never tell her husband that he is going the wrong way when driving the car because it will only make him angry. Instead, when they are good and lost, she should tell him it was for the better and encourage him to enjoy the sunset.

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          Yes, men need to be condescended to because they are all infantile and irrational. This position is totally a recipe for a beautiful relationship.

          Bleh.

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      3. musteryou Avatar
        musteryou

        “Egads! I read that book for a class and I couldn’t believe what the guy was trying to convince a couples to do. He says a woman should never tell her husband that he is going the wrong way when driving the car because it will only make him angry. Instead, when they are good and lost, she should tell him it was for the better and encourage him to enjoy the sunset.”

        I think that is very useful advice. If he is arrogant and doesn’t want to be told anything, don’t force him. Say nothing at all. Let him drive around like crazy, and when the car comes to a stop as the sun sets, remark on the beauty of the sun setting, as if you hadn’t noticed any problem. Whatever he does, be sure to approve of it.

        If he storms home in a rage because of something that happened at work, smile sweetly and commend him: “I’m sure that was the best you could do!”

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          I have even better advice: don’t bring an overgrown idiot who has the emotional age of a 2-year-old into your life. 🙂

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  14. Evelina Anville Avatar
    Evelina Anville

    I can’t stop leaving quotes. Your post is dovetailing with a moment in which I am noticing stupidity abounding: so this is proving to be very cathartic for me. 😉 Here is the latest from Penelope Trunk:

    “How to plan a career in your 20’s to stay home with kids in your 30’s”

    ARGH!!! This is so gross to me!!!! Here is another quotation: “The new job that everyone wants is stay-at-home mom”

    BLECH!!!!

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      I agree!! Huge grossness!!!

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    2. Leah Jane Avatar
      Leah Jane

      Penelope Trunk is an embarrassment to autistic women. Her “career advice” for women almost always consists of the following tips: Plan for your children (even if you don’t have any, you MIGHT! SOMEDAY!), look as pretty as possible, including getting plastic surgery before your looks begin to go “downhill”, and bow down to other people’s needs whenever possible.

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  15. E (The Third Glance) Avatar
    E (The Third Glance)

    Ok, here’s one that just popped up:

    “True friendship isn’t about being ‘INSEPARABLE’… it’s about being separated and knowing that ‘NOTHING WILL CHANGE’”

    Emphasis and quotes are part of it. https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/301178_10100811889019862_130898677_n.jpg

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      Is anybody else as creeped out by this as I am??

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      1. E (The Third Glance) Avatar
        E (The Third Glance)

        Yes, ridiculously much so.

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  16. vocabat Avatar
    vocabat

    Translation: A woman’s heart is like a circus– there’s always room for one more clown.

    The hell??? As far as sheer stupidness goes, I believe this q

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  17. vocabat Avatar
    vocabat

    Translation: A woman’s heart is like a circus– there’s always room for one more clown.

    As far as utter stupidness goes, I believe this quote takes the cake. Seen on Facebook.

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      I would have never guessed that such arrant stupidity is even possible.

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  18. David Bellamy Avatar
    David Bellamy

    Not from the internet, but overheard live:

    A four year old speaking to his six year old brother said, “Stop lying! You’re not my mother.”

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      Kids are the best. 🙂

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  19. hkatz Avatar
    hkatz

    This isn’t a quote, but it highlights something that fits the general theme of stupidity:
    http://www.nbc29.com/story/19514099/uva-study-questions-religious-exemptions-from-school-attendance

    “Virginia is the only state in the nation, however, that does not require any educational alternatives for children who receive religious exemptions from compulsory school attendance, according to the report, “7,000 Children and Counting: An Analysis of Religious Exemptions from Compulsory School Attendance in Virginia.””

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  20. el Avatar
    el

    What about good quotes, are they OK too?
    May be I share a good one, but you’ll see it fits the post anyway. 🙂

    Compassion is the basis of all morality. -Arthur Schopenhauer

    To conceal ignorance is to increase it. An honest confession of it, however, gives ground for the hope that it will diminish some day or the other. – Mahatma Gandhi

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  21. Leah Jane Avatar
    Leah Jane

    I got a whopper for you, Clarissa!:

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    1. Leah Jane Avatar
      Leah Jane

      And another. Dear me:
      http://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxMi0wZTYwMWE5N2QxZjRjMzZm

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      1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
        bloggerclarissa

        The amount of idiocy in the world is terrifying.

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    2. Evelina Anville Avatar
      Evelina Anville

      The one about choice and abortion made my eyes bleed. WHAT’S WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!!! Who would say that??!! ………..I would critique the second one…..except for the fact that I’m guilty of doing just that. Ah well: we all need to work on things. 😉

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  22. Leah Jane Avatar
    Leah Jane

    I think I found us a winner:

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    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      OK, is that another anti-abortion poster? If so, then I’m now fearing for the sanity of those who made it.

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      1. Leah Jane Avatar
        Leah Jane

        Indeed it is, from a Tumblr called “Heaven is Calling Me”. Ugh.

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        1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
          bloggerclarissa

          I only hope that God loves me enough not to make me share a heaven with the folks after I die.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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