We all know (or have known) somebody who is a bad person and who does bad things. Not criminal or illegal but just bad. Bullies a colleague, spreads nasty rumors, tells an anorexic friend that she gained weight, squeals to the boss about a co-worker who made a personal call on company time, sabotages other people’s projects for fun, steals other people’s ideas, etc. Cruel, cold, calculating people who go through life harming others and not feeling an ounce of remorse about it. I’m not talking about Hitler or Stalin here. The subject of today’s discussion are not genocidal maniacs but small-time villains who never break any actual laws.
I have this very simplistic worldview that works for me perfectly. In this worldview, people are either good or bad. Good people are those who cannot hurt others consciously without feeling pain. Bad people are those who are incapable of feeling any pain but their own. The good people are the majority on this planet. However, they always end up losing out because they can’t find an effective way of dealing with the bad people.
As an example, here is a comment left by reader Danny about another blogger’s suggestion that nasty people should be shamed for their bad actions:
About the shaming article I have to disagree with the idea that there is some sort of “good” or “correct” shaming. Shaming is too volatile to be used as some tool for positive change. In the long run I don’t think its right to expect some positive result from shaming (“My shaming of you is okay because I have good reasons.”)
Danny is a good person who doesn’t want to inflict harm on anybody. The problem remains, however. What should be done about bad people?
I have seen too many situations where a bunch of great, wonderful folks is practically terrorized by one cold, calculating, nasty person who keeps them in subjection with nothing other but his or her lack of conscience. They don’t want to hurt the horrible person’s feelings, so they never tell the horrible person to his or her face, “You are horrible. Shame on you.”
What these good folks forget, however, is that their fear of hurting the bad creature ultimately causes pain to all those future victims who could be spared their suffering had the previous victims gotten together and taken a stand.
I sometimes look at this person I know who caused great suffering to a good many people and wonder if she even knows how horrible she is. I mean, if nobody ever says anything, if everybody always acts like her actions are completely acceptable, does this person – who obviously has no moral compass of her own – realize that what she is doing is wrong? I feel like I’m endorsing her vile treatment of others every time I say “hello” to her.
There were several times in my life where I told nasty people that they were nasty and that I despised them for their horrible actions. It felt very good and liberating. I believe that if we all do this more often, bad people will feel less empowered to hurt others. However, every single time I tried to confront a bad person, there was always a bunch of good people trying to shush me down.
“Shh, don’t, just don’t, just let it be, it isn’t worth it, shhhhh,” the good folks would say to me in such situations. “Forgiveness is the best answer to bad people.”
I’m not sure, however, that one can forgive somebody who never asked for forgiveness and never recognized that his or her actions are wrong.
Do you tell horrible people that they are horrible to their face? If you can’t simply avoid them, what is your strategy of dealing with them?
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