Sign up for a free recipe e-book →

Clarissa's Blog

Religious Fanatics’ Hilarious View of Sex

Published by

Clarissa

on

Religious fanatics are insanely funny. Look at this hilarious chart I just found:

 

I couldn’t fit the entire thing into my snipping tool, so feel free to explore this weird infographic here. The only thing that the author of this hilarious project has forgotten to mention is that the kind of sex that wives “give” to their husbands for the purpose of accumulating a range of health benefits and social gains will actually end up destroying their health. A woman who needs to be talked into having sex through the use of infographics will only damage her mental, emotional and physical health when she has sex with a man she doesn’t want out of a misunderstood sense of duty.

The weird housewife who crafted this piece of idiocy seems to have no idea that only enthusiastic, passionately desired sex brings all these benefits. The kind of sex she engages in out of a sense of duty and in order to manipulate her children (just read the entire thing and you’ll see what I mean) is pretty much the worst thing anybody can do to their health.

I kind of feel sorry for the miserable husband of hers. Imagine a poor, unwanted creature whose own wife needs all these graphs, charts and arguments to convince herself to suffer through a sex act with him. The idea of my own husband telling me, “I read this chart online and decided to give you more sex because that will help me lose weight and give me thicker hair” is enough to put me off sex forever.

Why don’t these people just leave each other in peace and go find partners whom they will desire and who will desire them without needing any charts to convince them to have sex?

15 responses to “Religious Fanatics’ Hilarious View of Sex”

  1. the twisted spinster Avatar
    the twisted spinster

    Why does the female silhouette look like she has a mutant boob coming out on top of her regular boob? “More sex makes you grow extra boobs in weird places” is what that says to me.

    Like

    Reply
    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      I agree, this is scary on many different levels.

      Like

      Reply
      1. the twisted spinster Avatar
        the twisted spinster

        Especially as, all the protests to the contrary re their God-approved sex-filled marriages, most religious people of this sort act like sex is radiation, and too much will turn you into a mutated beast of some sort.

        Like

        Reply
  2. hattie Avatar
    hattie

    I don’t care about the sex lives of other people.

    Like

    Reply
  3. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Hi, Clarissa. I’m the religious fanatic you are poking fun at, but I do appreciate your reading (and sharing!) my post, so thank you. For the record, I do agree that sex is (and should be) also fun, a fact to which I dedicated an entire chapter of my book, LOVE YOUR HUSBAND / LOVE YOURSELF. Unfortunately, telling an overscheduled or disinterested wife that she should prioritize sex with her husband because it is fun will not likely persuade her. When I was little, I thought green beans looked gross. I would’ve refused to eat them even if everyone Iknew thought they were yummy. As an adult, green beans are my favorite. I’d rather eat green beans than just about anything else you could serve me. I finally decided to give them a try since they’re so good for our health and discovered they are also very delicious. That, in a nutshell, is the psychology behind my infographic

    Like

    Reply
    1. Hattie Avatar
      Hattie

      I’ll never look at green beans the same way again.

      Like

      Reply
      1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
        bloggerclarissa

        Yeah, I’m with you on this one, Hattie. 🙂 🙂

        Like

        Reply
  4. Jennifer Flanders Avatar
    Jennifer Flanders

    Hi, Clarissa. I’m the religious fanatic you are poking fun at, but I do appreciate your reading (and sharing!) my post, so thank you. For the record, I do agree that sex is (and should also be) fun, a fact to which I dedicated an entire chapter of my book, LOVE YOUR HUSBAND / LOVE YOURSELF. Unfortunately, telling an overscheduled or disinterested wife that she should prioritize sex with her husband because it’s fun will not likely persuade her to do so. When I was little, I thought green beans looked gross. I would’ve refused to eat them even if everyone Iknew thought they were yummy. But now green beans are my favorite. I’d rather eat green beans than just about anything else you could serve me. I finally decided to give them a try as an adult, since they are great for my health, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that they are also quite delicious. That, in a nutshell, is the psychology behind my infographic. And, again, I appreciate your passing it along. Blessings! Jennifer

    Like

    Reply
    1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
      bloggerclarissa

      If healthy adults need persuasion to want sex, theyshould see a sexopathologist.

      Like

      Reply
    2. hkatz Avatar
      hkatz

      “telling an overscheduled or disinterested wife that she should prioritize sex with her husband because it’s fun will not likely persuade her to do so.”

      If the fun/passion/joy/pleasure/love isn’t enough of a reason, then there’s something wrong with the sex itself and very likely with the relationship too. And it can’t be addressed by one of the partners only, particularly with something analogous to “force yourself to eat your veggies, they’re good for you and maybe you’ll come to like them!”

      Also… aside from being a recipient (but not a giver?) of sex, the husband is curiously absent from this infographic of marital “intimacy.” You do realize that one major possibility for a wife becoming disinterested in sex is because of the way the husband behaves, both in the bedroom and in other aspects of the marriage?

      I feel bad for the women who read this advice in desperate hope of maybe improving their marriage without realizing that it doesn’t all fall on their shoulders to have a good sex life (or a good marriage more generally). You have no idea what their husbands are like. Individual variation can be huge, both among husbands and wives.

      Like

      Reply
      1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
        bloggerclarissa

        “telling an overscheduled or disinterested wife that she should prioritize sex with her husband because it’s fun will not likely persuade her to do so.”

        – Telling her about green beans, on the other hand, will have her tearing off her underwear in 2 seconds.

        “If the fun/passion/joy/pleasure/love isn’t enough of a reason, then there’s something wrong with the sex itself and very likely with the relationship too. ”

        – Exactly.

        Like

        Reply
  5. V Avatar
    V

    I have a different question. Suppose religious folks (so they care about this waiting until married thing in the first place) somehow let their kids know, in a balanced, healthy and non-intrusive way that they are enjoying each other sexually. (Let’s not argue for a moment about how likely this is.) How does one build an argument that they are enjoying it exactly because they waited till marriage (if they did :)), and that it is not just random coincidence; that otherwise they would not enjoy it as much; and that the kids should not expect to have fulfilling sex life both before and after marriage?

    Like

    Reply
    1. Avatar
      Anonymous

      One very obvious advantage to waiting and to marrying someone who has also waited is not having to contend with sexually transmitted diseases. That fact alone is enough to enhance sexual enjoyment and sponteneity for couples who save sexual intimacy for marriage, but there are emotional, psychological, and spiritual advantages to waiting, as well, and we believe parents should discuss these concepts openly and honestly with their children.

      Like

      Reply
      1. bloggerclarissa Avatar
        bloggerclarissa

        “One very obvious advantage to waiting and to marrying someone who has also waited is not having to contend with sexually transmitted diseases.”

        – What are you, two years old?

        “That fact alone is enough to enhance sexual enjoyment and sponteneity for couples who save sexual intimacy for marriage, but there are emotional, psychological, and spiritual advantages to waiting”

        – Keep lying to yourself. You will need a lot of these lies to convince yourself that your sex life is not complete and total crap.

        Like

        Reply
  6. N G Avatar
    N G

    These Christian fundamentalist groups are seriously weird when it comes to sex. There is one group that calls itself the American Family Association which opposes Anti Bullying Day because it supposedly promotes homosexuality.

    http://gawker.com/5951699/bigoted-christian-group-opposes-anti+bullying-day-says-it-promotes-homosexual-lifestyle

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment

A conservative literary critic and college professor

Recent posts