If you want to read good literature in English nowadays, go to those of the former British colonies that won their freedom in the twentieth century. Nobody else is writing anything of interest in English these days. (Except Zadie Smith who is a rare and strange exception.)

The worst course I ever took on contemporary literature in English was the one on American post-modernism. Cormack McCarthy, Thomas Pynchon, Don DeLillo, John Barth – I thought I would die of boredom, together with 11 supremely bored classmates and a constantly yawning professor. British and American writers should not venture into the post-modern because it is not their thing. (Except Zadie Smith who is a rare and strange exception.)

The best course I ever took on contemporary literature in English was called “Empire Writes Back.” It featured really amazing writers from all of the former colonies, and especially from the Subcontinent. India and Pakistan rule English literature today, which -aside from Zadie Smith – is the only thing that keeps English literature alive.

One of the most interesting writers who publish fiction in English today is Mohsin Hamid. I discovered him through his wonderful novel The Reluctant Fundamentalist (see my reviews here and here) Now he has published another great book titled  How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia.

Hamid has an amazing talent for constructing a narrative. When his novel was first delivered to me, I decided to leave it aside for when the semester ends and I am less busy. So I was only going to take a glance on the first paragraph to see what the book was like. That was my downfall because one cannot possibly put the book aside after reading the following:

Look, unless you’re writing one, a self-help book is an oxymoron. You read a self-help book so someone who isn’t yourself can help you, that someone being the author. This is true of the whole self-help genre. It’s true of how-to books, for example. And it’s true of personal improvement books too. Some might even say it’s true of religion books. But some others might say that those who say that should be pinned to the ground and bled dry with the slow slice of a blade across their throats. So it’s wisest simply to note a divergence of views on that subcategory and move swiftly on.

How was I supposed to stop reading after this? Of course, I forgot about my grading and the syllabus for next semester and lost myself in the book.

Unlike British and American post-modernists whose constipated attempts at formal experimentation always make their novels clunky and indigestible, Mohsin Hamid’s writing style is elegant and beautiful. You can feel that it comes naturally to him, unlike to the British and American post-modernists whose writing is so tortured and forced as to cause me to feel vicarious shame for people who try so desperately to massage themselves into the kind of writing that does not suit them. (Except Zadie Smith who is a rare and strange exception.)

If you want to acquaint yourself with a beautiful, enjoyable and profound post-modern novel, I recommend Mohsin Hamid’s How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia. It is not one of those meaningless post-modern pieces of writing. To the contrary, Hamid’s novel offers one valuable insight after another:

In the history of the evolution of the family, you and the millions of other migrants like you represent an ongoing proliferation of the nuclear. It is an explosive transformation, the supportive, stifling, stabilizing bonds of extended relationships weakening and giving way, leaving in their wake insecurity, anxiety, productivity, and potential.

I am experiencing exactly what the author is describing, and he is so right that it scares me. Just this single little quote could give us material for a fascinating debate on the transformation of extended patriarchal clans into nuclear families.

One question that I kept asking myself as I was reading Hamid’s novel was how come a male author from Lahore, Pakistan can write a novel without a trace of sexism when no Latin American writer I have ever encountered, whether male or female, has yet managed anything of the kind. (If you have encountered one, please let me know in the comments.) The love story Hamid offers in his novel is so free of any taint of sexism that, for the first time in a long while, I enjoyed a fictional love story without once wincing in disgust. By the end of the novel, I was so touched that I was crying, and my tears were forming a little pool on the table. This is doubly surprising, given that I’m pregnant and, as a result, my emotional range is depleted.

In short, read Mohsin Hamid, people. He is definitely one of the best contemporary writers in the world. I have no doubt that this novel will be turned into a movie, but please don’t watch it. The best part of Hamid’s work is his beautiful writing. Without it, this will be nothing of interest.

Here is today’s speech of Russia’s President Putin on the subject of gay marriage (translation is mine):

There is no discrimination against homosexuals in Russia. These. . . khm, khm. . . people [with a facial expression showing deep disgust] have jobs, they get raises at work, and even statewide prizes, if they deserve them. However, there will be no gay marriage in our country because such marriages do not produce children*. Here in Russia and in Europe, we are suffering from a demographic crisis. We want people to reproduce. And the people we want to reproduce are not immigrants. We want the “title nation” to reproduce**. . . The only countries that allow propaganda of homosexuality*** are the same countries that allow propaganda of pedophilia. We cannot allow this in Russia because if we legalize propaganda of pedophilia, there are regions that will organize an armed uprising.

This speech on Russian TV is followed by a long investigative report on Holland’s pedophiles.

* Putin’s marriage hasn’t produced any children in over 30 years and is not likely to do so in the future.

** The “title nation” means ethnic Russians. The ones who are blond and blue-eyed.

*** The expression “propaganda of homosexuality” in Russian means allowing gay teachers to work and gay people to appear on TV in any capacity. It also refers to the Gay Pride parade.

Somebody has trained the waiters at our university restaurant to act in an intolerably obsequious, fawning, and subservient fashion.

I’m considering leaving my meal without finishing it because I feel like I’m in the midst of “Celebrate the Confederacy” month. This is very uncomfortable.

The blogroll has its uses, however. I have been laughing for 7 minutes straight when I discovered that pro-nature midwives are waging a brave and fierce war against. . . putting hats on newborns:

There is really no limit to the deadly defiance of these midwives. Evidently there’s no limit to the ridiculousness, either. The latest “obstetric practice” deemed unnecessary: hatting!

Yes, you read that right. Homebirth midwives have come out against the practice of putting hats on newborns to protect them from loss of body heat. Do animals put hats on their babies? No, they do not; ’nuff said. Of course, animals don’t wear clothes, don’t sleep in beds and don’t live tweet their births, but that is totally different. If you couldn’t live tweet your homebirth, how could you possibly fulfilled your narcisstic need for praise?

Yes, sure, we should treat our infants exactly like animals treat their newborn. My aunt’s cat ate her babies. Maybe one of these midwives is planning to repeat the cat’s feat of nature triumphing over the horrors of civilization.

And this is the sad story of why JC Penney did not manage to become a more respectable, classier place and will remain a poor-quality joint for the dowdy crowd:

Johnson tried nixing sale events in favor of everyday low prices, and almost immediately found resistance from shoppers accustomed to Penney’s couponing and discounting culture. He boldly revised the company’s advertising, eschewing value propositions in favor of sparsely elegant and stylish displays that confused customers because they didn’t show prices.

Investors watched in horror as Penney’s stock price plummeted more than 50%.

What’s with the coupon-obsessed weirdos, seriously? Do they have no understanding of simple arithmetic?

I haven’t accessed my blogroll for a while (feedly is impossibly and aggravatingly slow) but maybe that was a good thing. After I saw an unsurprising woman-hating screed from Shakesville, I encountered a more surprising transformation of blogger Ozy Frantz. Frantz used to be a champion of gender equality who has now become a sad, boring and pathetic worshiper of pill-pushers and a cheer-leader for anti-choicers.

Ozy Frantz seems to be one of those people who write extremely well as part of a collective project but become dull and stupid as authors of personal blogs. It’s a weak individual identity, indeed, if it needs to be propped by group members on all sides to remain of any interest.

 

On the day Margaret Thatcher died, the Conservative woman-hater Ann Coulter blasted her for not being a fan of Sarah Palin and the Liberal woman-hater Melissa McEwan blasted her for being an unwomanly wife and mother.

Thatcher must have done something really significant for women’s rights for these two champions of female subjection to get so rabid.

Read McEwan’s article for the perfect example of one of the most insidious forms of sexism. What McEwan does is a strategy Peruvian a friend of mine used to term “How to slaughter a person’s reputation without seeming to do so.”

“You approach a group of people,” my friend would tell us, “and say, with a tragic look on your face, “Poor Clarissa! Oh, poor, poor Clarissa!””

“What happened?” the people will ask.

“Oh, so you haven’t heard? Some nasty people are saying horrible things about her. They say that she is sleeping with the Dean to get a better scholarship and ghost-writes articles for the Chair to get good recommendation letters. They also say that she is an alcoholic and had two arrests for prostitution. And do you know what they say about why she was accepted to grad school? She is a long-time mistress of the head of the admissions committee! But, of course, I don’t believe any of this and would never participate in spreading such horrible rumors!”

“And that’s it!” my friend would say. “I just slaughtered a person’s reputation while making myself look like a decent person who would never do something so mean.”

This is the same position as the one taken by Melissa “All women have to be victims all of the time and if they are not, I will make sure they are” McEwan.

A discussion has begun in Montreal newspapers as to how the fine dining scene can be prevented from sliding into the horrible state so many North American restaurants of all price ranges are experiencing. Here are the questions that are being asked:

In an effort to be cutting back on waste, should customers be charged for bread?

What we should be asking instead of this meaningless question is why bread and butter even in good restaurants are always so horrible. I mean, salted butter! Bleh, brr, eww, barf, vomit. And then people wonder why they grow obese and sick. What do they expect if even butter is salted! What next? Salted apples? I would definitely pay extra just to see a non-disgusting piece of bread in an American restaurant, In Montreal, you can sometimes get good butter in restaurants but good bread of the kind you get anywhere in Western Europe, never. I will never forget this ultra-fancy restaurant visited by former Prime Ministers and such that served us these disgusting little bread rolls that never go stale or spoil. The ones that have a longer lifespan than I do because of how artificial they are.

Is the number of people taking pictures of their food in restaurants these days turning into a problem?

Only for bad restaurateurs who are afraid customers will inform the world of their sucky food.

Is it bad manners to request a doggy bag?

Again, the problem is badly stated. The real issue here is that portions you get served in the US are ridiculously huge. The size always comes at the expense of quality. As my sister told me after her recent trip to Vermont, “You know that I love to eat. But when I order a steak, I’m not prepared for the waiter to place an entire cow in front of me.” Remember, we don’t go to fast-food joints. We are talking about fairly expensive places here. Also, I hate the expression “doggy bag.” How disgusting is it? Why not just ask for a box?

Is there a dress code in upscale restaurants these days?

Sadly, almost never. People in North America are mostly unaware of the art of living and hate their bodies. This is why the food is unhealthy and the way most people dress is an exercise in self-hatred.

Should the tip be included in the bill?

I couldn’t care less because I’m not cheap and always leave very good tips. The whole idea of punishing waiters for not being perfect is so miserly as to be embarrassing.

Can customers ask that the music be turned down?

I hate restaurants that turn up the volume of the music to the point where patrons have to raise their voices to speak. Restaurants only do that when they are floundering, so this is a mark of a place on the verge of going broke. They turn up the music in hopes that customers will eat faster and leave, and then more people can be seated. If a restaurant does this, it means there is a lot of corner-cutting going on. Beware of loud-music places! They probably serve stuff that has been reheated in a microwave.

Should there be calorie counts on menus?

No, because that immediately marks a restaurant as a place for very weird people.

Do kids belong in high-end restaurants?

Kids and adults who can behave quietly and politely belong anywhere they want to be present. It is very annoying that this question is asked about kids but not about adults who get stupidly drunk and act in disorderly and threatening way or about adults who bray like horses with no regard for the auditory experiences of others.

Does a good restaurant always have a sommelier in the house?

I don’t care because I don’t understand wines but N. does and he would definitely appreciate seeing more people in restaurants than understand what he is trying to tell them.

This wasn’t asked so I will ask the question myself: What is your greatest restaurant-related dream?

Less salt in everything! American food is drowning in salt, even in very expensive restaurants! This is nothing but a trick to make people pay for more drinks but it kills the taste of everything. I still can’t get over this amazing risotto I ate in Madrid last month that contained absolutely no salt. The cheese gave it all the saltiness it needed, so why would anybody add any more salt? As a result, this mushroom risotto was practically breathing. Compare it to any North American risotto that arrives at the table slaughtered because of how much salt it has.

Melissa-Harris Perry makes an egregiously stupid statement that “children belong to communities.”

Sarah Palin responds with an equally stupid statement:

Apparently MSNBC doesn’t think your children belong to you. Unflippingbelievable. youtu.be/Oa9temz_Cxw
— Sarah Palin (@SarahPalinUSA) April 7, 2013

Conclusion: neither the progressives nor the conservatives are prepared to see children as human beings who don’t belong to anybody other than themselves. For both groups, children are things. Or, at best, house pets.

I’m very sad that Margaret Thatcher died. Whatever you think of her politics, she offered a very positive contrast with all of these Dianas and Kates whose greatest achievement is marrying somebody people consider important. Thatcher didn’t invest her energies into fostering idiotic scandals around her persona, attracting paparazzi, choosing expensive outfits, or distracting the public with their soap-operish drama.

If you dislike Thatcher for being Conservative, then remember that she was at least very honest about that. In the meanwhile, all these fake scandals of Kates, Fergies and Dianas are serving the purpose of distracting people from what is going on politically and zombifying them with stupid scandals that are created out of nothing (Kate’s recent pregnancy-related scandal made me positively despise her. I understand that being scandalous is what she gets paid to do but still, how nasty.)

Thatcher showed the world that British women are not all trivial, silly, and interested in nothing but their looks. She achieved things, made things work. We can disagree with those things but the value of a woman in a fiercely sexist society traveling the road of achievement and not the road of playing into the worst stereotypes about women is very high.