The real object of an alcoholic’s desire is not the drink. The happy feelings of intoxication, the lowering of inhibitions, the social ease that come with alcohol are added bonuses but never the main goal. What the alcoholic really craves is the hangover.
The pain and suffering of a hangover fulfill one or all of the following purposes for the alcoholic:
1. The physical pain serves as a punishment for the alcoholic who is profoundly convinced of his or her own badness and desires to be punished on regular occasions;
2. The remorse and the self-castigation the alcoholic experiences take him or her back into the familiar and comforting childhood role of a wayward child being scolded by an adult;
3. The remorse can also be used as a motivating factor the alcoholic employs in lieu of a broken down motivation mechanism;
4. The physical pain and especially the headache drown out the unwelcome thoughts that plague the alcoholic while s/he is sober.
This is why AA works. Alcoholics get to experience public self-flagellation they crave so much without actually needing to drink. AA gives them one endless hangover without any drink at all. Remember that one of AA’s “steps” consists of the alcoholic making public penance for his or her sins.
Any real cure, of course, has to address the purposes that the hangover serves for the alcoholic.
Some of you have already realized that I’m retelling Eric Berne’s famous book Games People Play. “Alcoholic” is the most famous of games described by Berne but there are many more.
Clarissa's Blog 
Leave a comment