One useful tradition that has been lost is wearing mourning. I would gladly wear mourning if there were a chance people would know what it meant. This is a small town and everybody has seen me with a huge belly. Now I dread the prospect of answering questions and preventing people from offering congratulations.
17 responses to “Mourning”
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I know what you mean. I felt like that when my mother died. It was right before Christmas and everyone was cheery, and I wished that wearing black would indicate to them that I was in mourning—but now it only says that you’re a hipster or a goth. I am so sorry, again (I wrote to you but I don’t know if you’re picking up mail from school).
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Thank you, Dame Eleanor. I haven’t been back to campus yet but I’m planning a small tentative trip there this Saturday.
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I can’t even imagine how hard that it’s going to be when you have to start explaining to near strangers what happened. I wish there was some advice I could give you. But all I can say is hang in there. It will get better and less awkward eventually.
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Thank you! You are right there, there is nothing but time to make this more palatable.
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I think everyone understands a black armband. Just a thought.
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I know what you mean. The last couple of generations have been so anxious to disgard empty social rituals that a bunch of useful ones have disappeared too.
I was thinking that dressing in black perhaps with a sheer black veil (over the upper part of your face) for a month or so, but I think a black armband is better epecially if worn every day for a period of time.
I was thinking that some kind of noticeable black broach with black ribbons might work. You might even be able to get out of extended conversations (if you want) by referring to it as “a Ukrainian mourning custom” (a small lie for a good cause).
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If I were you I would wear a black scarf over my head or some of my hair. I think most people would recognize that.
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I’ve seen many people wear a black ribbon like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_ribbon. Coupled with somber dressing, I think many people will figure it out.
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I think perhaps if you prepared a script for what to say, ending in “but I’m really not ready to talk about it now,” and then immediately started talking about something else, the weather, the administrator, the schedule. Often, other people want to comfort you, but you find yourself in the position of reassuring them and it is tiring. I found it helped if I could just say the words and didn’t have to think.
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This is what I’m trying to do. I’m practicing saying it in my mind to prepare. More than anything, I fear meeting students because I don’t want to get too emotional in front of them.
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I was going to suggest the black armband as well.
Then yes, practice some sentences, like, “I find it exhausting to discuss.”
When they want to have lunch or something, say, you would love to go, but would like to discuss their summer, hear their news, or talk about your book news, etc.
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People will think she is a football player
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They wear black armbands?
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Yes! It really helps to talk about other things. Today a colleague came over and told me funny stories about how she explains Marxism and Leninism to her students, and it was very helpful. It got me thinking about something different for a change.
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A conservative literary critic and college professor
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