Our university’s graduate school is offering to professors “a speed networking” workshop where we will be able to practice “our 3 minute elevator speech.” I never thought I needed an elevator speech and I find the concept to be quite humiliating.
At the workshop, we will learn to “share our topics in an accelerated fashion.” Nobody took the trouble of explaining what the hurry is, though. If people are not interested in “my topic”, I neither want to steal 3 ultra precious minutes of their time nor aim to corner them on elevators.
People who came up with this idiotic idea don’t know dick about research. It is not about firing off a snappy statement while looking ingratiatingly at a rapid succession of potential buyers. Research is a slow, quiet process that matures very gradually and requires respect, time, and silence. I can hardly think of a word more contrary to the nature of research than “accelerated.”
What is next? A “Practice Your Sales Pitch” workshop for academics?
I’m sick and tired of these gabby, perky failed salespeople who didn’t make it in actual sales and decided to invade academia instead.