Dear Associate Dean,
the minutes from the weekly meeting of Departmental Chairs state that I attended the meeting. I did not because I’m not a Chair.
Or maybe I should start listening to my phone messages in case I have been appointed and didn’t notice.
P.S. The Associate Dean writes back:
But you were there!
I was close to considering the possibility that I’m insane, but at the time of the meeting I was teaching my class and have 17 witnesses to that effect.
P.P.S. I’m now wondering if I can list being at the meeting as part of my service efforts.
Clarissa's Blog 
“But you were there!”
What you should write back (if you don’t care at all about getting tenure)
“Very nice try. Yes, I actually was there but I don’t recall seeing _you_ (your absence was in fact the subject of heated debate). Please stop using me to try to cover for your slipshod performance of duties.”
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