Clarissa's Blog

There was another hilarious story from the memorable conference in Valladolid that I told you about in the last post.

At the end of the conference, there was a banquet where we were approached by our kind professor (the one who’d been feeding us during the entire stay in Spain) and his wife.

“You both did extremely well,” he told us. “Your presentations were the highlights of the conference. How do you feel about submitting articles on the basis of these presentations for this collection of pieces that I’m preparing?”

At this moment, Vivien delivered a vicious kick in the professor’s shin and he doubled in pain.

“What a sweet child!” he moaned politely. “Clarissa, your daughter looks just like you.”

“She is SO not mine!” I almost yelled. “Like I can’t begin to tell you to what extent she isn’t mine.”

Vivien kicked the professor even more viciously, aiming for the groin.

“My Mommy says you are a mean old jerk!” she announced. “You deserve to be kicked some more!”

“I said this about somebody else,” Leticia hissed. “It isn’t him! I’m so, so sorry Professor Moreno.”

“No, but Mommy, remember how you said that Professor Moreno is a dirty old man who keeps ogling you like a creep whenever his clueless wife isn’t around?” Vivien insisted.

“Excuse me?!?” bellowed the professor’s notoriously jealous wife.

“It’s just that there is a different Professor Moreno and he is totally different,” I interjected, trying to make things better. “And by the way, did I mention that this is not my kid?”

“Yeah, is that right? Another Professor Moreno, really?” the professor’s wife started walking menacingly in my direction. “Can you point him out to me?”

“My Mommy always pretends I’m not hers!” Vivien wailed, clasping me in a strong, sweaty embrace. “Mommy, this hurts my feelings! Everybody can see that you and I look exactly alike.”

“That’s true, Clarissa,” Leticia said in an accusing voice. “Just get ahold of yourself and accept your responsibility for this spoiled little brat. And now if you will excuse me, I need to go get myself a drink.”