My Criminal Proclivities

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Clarissa

September 16, 2014

Our secretary found a new job, and now we have to work without an administrative assistant at our department. This means that whenever the Chair is in class, nobody can access the storage room because only he has the key.

Those of us who have to attend the Careers Fair today have been wandering with sad and wistful looks on our faces around the locked storage room because it contains the flyers we need to take to the fair.

Of course, I realized that this wasn’t going to work, stole a key, broke into the storage room, and retrieved the flyers.

And this is how myths about the criminal proclivities of “Russians” are born.

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12 responses to “My Criminal Proclivities”

ladyleahjane

September 16, 2014

You know what they say, if you want something done right… you have to have a certain disregard for the rules.

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1. Clarissa
  
  September 16, 2014
  
  Exactly! I haven’t read all of those mystery novels for nothing. Now I know how to engage in petty crime.
  
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Vic Crain

September 16, 2014

Clarissa, since when did you worry about the reputation of the Russians??

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1. Clarissa
  
  September 16, 2014
  
  To everybody outside of our region we are all Russians. What choice do I have? 🙂
  
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Jones

September 16, 2014

“… Of course, I realized that this wasn’t going to work, stole a key, broke into the storage room, and retrieved the flyers.”

You didn’t make a copy of the key? You didn’t make copies of the key for EVERYONE who really needs one?

Such an amateur. 🙂

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1. Clarissa
  
  September 16, 2014
  
  No, but I told them where they could find the key to steal. 🙂 🙂
  
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  1. Jones
    
    September 16, 2014
    
    Cheapness prevails! 🙂
    
    [tries to say that like Lewis Prothero in “V for Vendetta”, and succeeds, naturally]
    
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2. Stille (@aperfectbalance)
  
  September 17, 2014
  
  Heh this reminds me of that time my highschool’s attic was left unlocked one morning, and one of my classmates hurried to buy a screwdriver, get the lock out of the door and to a nearby locksmith, make a key for it and then screw the lock back in place, all before classes started. 2 days later half the school had a key of their own and the attic became *the* place to skip classes for a while, until admin found out.
  
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N G

September 16, 2014

“myths about the criminal proclivities of “Russians””

Yes. They can never stay out of trouble. From the files of Russian justice:

“Lukashenko (Belarus dictator) was quite pleased with what seemed like a big increase in public approval based on the response to his speeches, only to be infuriated later when he learned it was all protest applause. I can’t find that report now but would like to believe that’s true.

Anyway, once it became clear that clapping was dissent, clappers were rounded up. And like all thuggish regimes this one was not too particular about who it arrested. That included Konstantin Kaplin, who said he was convicted of “applauding in public” despite fairly conclusive evidence of innocence: he’s only got one arm. “The judge read out the charges [and] the police affirmed that I was applauding,” said the one-armed man. “The judge looked ashamed of herself,” he said, but imposed the fine anyway.”

http://www.whaleoil.co.nz/2013/01/one-handed-man-convicted-for-clapping/

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1. Clarissa
  
  September 16, 2014
  
  In the FSU countries, there exists a long-standing tradition that disabled people have to come to social services every year to prove they still have the disability. This is especially pertinent for people who miss limbs. So I guess Lukashenko’s thugs simply figured, as usual, that the guy’s arm might have grown back.
  
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DWeird

September 17, 2014

It bugs me, so I ask:

“only he has ‘the’ key”
“stole ‘a’ key”

How did more keys come to exist? Were there more than one key to begin with? Did they make some more specifically for purposes of theft? Or, as I suspect, did you nab the one and true key from the Chair during his lecture, as a true criminal would, and are now using the lesser article to diminish the perception of the scope of your crime?

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1. Clarissa
  
  September 17, 2014
  
  I used the method of deductive reasoning and arrived at a conclusion that there had to be an alternative key. So I made a guess about where it could be. And I was right, it was hidden in the place I thought. A true criminal should be aware of the most productive methods of investigation, I think. 🙂
  
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