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Monogamy and Atheism

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Clarissa

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Can anybody decipher the following for me:

Logically, I don’t have a problem with going poly–we’re atheists with no real reason to commit to monogamy.

I was born in a country of 200,000,000 atheists and never heard any suggestion that, in our day and age, monogamy requires any sort of religiosity. I’m religious, my husband is a profoundly anti-religious scientist but I can’t say that I’m more monogamous than he is because that would not be humanly possible.

It’s like people are so afraid of having sexual preferences that they keep trying to buttress them with ideology to make them more “respectable.”

Weirdness. 

10 responses to “Monogamy and Atheism”

  1. David P. Bellamy Avatar
    David P. Bellamy

    This follows from some weird ideas . The first, that anything but monogamy is morally wrong (sinful) I think comes from the widespread belief among religious (monotheistic) people that I know, anyway, that men not constrained by their religion will have sex freely and widely, and accept no responsibility for any children that result. This is certainly the message I got as a young person growing up in a Christian environment. The quote you gave seems to reflect this, perhaps without the author having understood the origin of it. (I have not yet read the linked post.)

    According to the monotheistic line here, the institution of monogamous marriage is the only possible remedy, with the exception of those that are OK with polygyny. Monotheism seems to lead to the belief that there is only one correct way to do anything. Of course, polyandry is forbidden because it would supposedly also result in men denying responsibility, as above.

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  2. el Avatar
    el

    \\ It’s like people are so afraid of having sexual preferences that they keep trying to buttress them with ideology to make them more “respectable.”

    I think it’s something a bit different. Religious upbringing taught him to see both having and not having sex as an obligation, not a personal choice. Before marriage, one must abstain since God (and society) wants so. After marriage, one must have sex since it’s a part of marriage contract and since good Christian / Jewish couples must have children, whether they want it or not.

    It’s the logic of “what I must / should do…”
    Nobody taught him to think “what I want to do.”

    “atheists with no real reason to commit to monogamy” means “nobody forces us to…”

    As an atheist, there is no God to force him, only what he sees as his obligation to make his wife happy.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      ““atheists with no real reason to commit to monogamy” means “nobody forces us to…”

      As an atheist, there is no God to force him, only what he sees as his obligation to make his wife happy.”

      – So there is no real reason to do something unless somebody forces him? This should go to our conversation on the destroyed mechanisms of motivation.

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  3. el Avatar
    el

    \\ – So there is no real reason to do something unless somebody forces him?

    No, not that. Look here:

    “a lot of these feelings come from a place of insecurity (and, if I’m being honest, probably a little Christian purity culture baggage thrown in for good measure)
    […]
    At the same time, the last thing I want to do is stand in the way of my partner’s happiness and try to dictate what she can and can’t do with her body.”

    If I am right, the main problem is that he can’t be sure where effects of past indoctrination end and real he begins. By “real he” I mean “how I would’ve been as a free individual raised in a great environment, ready to make his own choices and not feeling ashamed for f.e. desiring not serious sex.”

    To make choices for “authentic you” somewhere, one must find this “you” at first, no?

    Another problem is being unsure what healthy limits are. After escaping from religion dictating everything in one’s (not only sexual, most likely) life, he describes monogamy as dictating “what she can and can’t do with her body.”

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      “After escaping from religion dictating everything in one’s (not only sexual, most likely) life, he describes monogamy as dictating “what she can and can’t do with her body.””

      – Yes, now he is looking for a new religion to castrate him, and it’s called “atheism and polyamory.” As you and I would call it, шея мёрзнет без ошейника. The guy can’t be bothered to build his own identity, so he looks for these artificial ideological constructs to stand in its place.

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  4. Ellie Avatar
    Ellie

    She’s saying that because she’s not religious she can be poly-amorous. Logically this doesn’t imply that all monogamous people are religious, but does imply that all religious people are monogamous.
    That claim makes more sense and definitely jives with almost all modern Christian ideology. I can’t speak for other religions.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      ” does imply that all religious people are monogamous.”

      – What about Muslims and Mormons?

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      1. el Avatar
        el

        \\ – What about Muslims and Mormons?

        But here a woman wants to have more than one partner.
        Gender makes all the difference from pov of Muslims and Mormons.

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          I’m trying to make sense of the linked piece, not of Mormon practices. 🙂

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  5. David P. Bellamy Avatar
    David P. Bellamy

    I have met a number of polyamorous Christians. Also, they are not only polygynous like Mormons and Muslims.

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