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Screaming

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Clarissa

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Tonight, I was awakened twice by screams. Both times, the person doing the screaming was me. In the dreams (if we effectuate a Jungian reading), I was being violated by the male part of my persona. I urgently need to give nourishment to my female persona, it seems.

The good news is that tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, so there will be a chance for the female persona to come out.

In other news, after working as a salesperson yesterday, today I tried myself in the capacity of a secretary. We still have no departmental secretary, so I volunteered to stuff the envelopes with scantron sheets and forms for student evaluations for all of the courses we are offering. This is an intensely pleasurable activity because it’s so mechanical and relaxing that I feel rested after it.

Being a professor is great because it gives one a chance to try out many different careers.

3 responses to “Screaming”

  1. musteryou Avatar
    musteryou

    That’s really been the story of my life– being traumatized by that particular part of my being. Until very recently (the last few days) when I silenced it. It’s amazing. I have very good sleeps now and I am not tormented. It was difficult to get there, though. I had to abide with the tormented feelings for a long time, long enough to become inured to them. And then I had some weird subconscious message after a series of long weeks of cogitation, when I was asleep in my tomb (what the small tent feels like when camping) and my subconscious (in shamanic terms, “spirits”) said that I really needed to finish the writing project I had embarked on in 97, because time does not last forever. And it was still difficult, because I could not get to the bottom of my being sufficiently, because terror and anxiety keep you on the surface. I drank red wine (a depressant — which takes you lower into your being) and I counteracted the negative effects with resveratrol, which enables a sharp, constant focus, without the sense of being interrupted by emotional highs and lows. I felt strongly low (in a relaxed way) and intensified. And then I finally finished my writing project.

    The “spirits” gave me a hearty clap on the back. They are deeply pleased, I think. And every time I consider returning to the old mold of self-doubt, they heartily clap me on the back again, and say, “Oh, no — this time you made it!”

    It must be true because I have no anxiety or violent dreams and I used to be plagued by these every night.

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  2. Stringer Bell Avatar
    Stringer Bell

    Happy Anniversary to the both of you!

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      Thank you! Yay!

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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