Catholicism: you are in deep shit because you were bad.
Protestantism: you are in deep shit because you didn’t work hard enough.
Russian Orthodox Church: you are in deep shit but so what?
Judaism: if you think you are in deep shit, hear out our story.
Freud: you are in deep shit because of your childhood.
Jung: you are in deep shit because of your great-grandmother.
Windows 8: yes, this is shit but we don’t care.
But in the case of Judaistic types, and let me be controversial here, they have adapted pretty well. I mean–perhaps out of the danger zone now?
LikeLike
I agree but try telling it to the Israelis. 🙂
LikeLike
They’re still having their fun and games.
Meanwhile I am told that I idealize Rhodesia and that everybody else needs to keep pummelling me until they get that shit out of me. Thing is, I was telling this fellow who said this, only a few minutes earlier, that I find it deeply problematic that there was not enough ego structure in my family to resist being sent to war. That’s not beautiful and it’s not ideal, but more akin to Aztec sacrifice. But somehow this seems like “idealizing” the situation in the eyes of some people, who think the consequences are that I ought to be punished.
In fact, my whole revised memoir can be read as a critique of this blinded compliance with right-wing necessity and sending young men to war. It can be read as a very, very bitter criticism of this tendency, since I look into the psychological ramifications of that blithe disregard for personal safety. I’m saying there ought to have been more egotism. But this other fellow things I am idealizing the lack of egotism.
LikeLike
Old Joke (2)
How many church people does it take to change a light bulb?
Anglicans: Five. One to ask the sexton to change the bulb and four to complain how they liked the old version of the bulb better.
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be off and on.
Baptists: At least 15, One to change the bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change, and also provide a casserole.
LikeLike
“Baptists: At least 15, One to change the bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change, and also provide a casserole.”
– So academics are Baptists!
“Anglicans: Five. One to ask the sexton to change the bulb and four to complain how they liked the old version of the bulb better.”
– And blog readers are Anglicans!!!
LikeLike
Gender Studies: We’re in deep shit because of patriarchy.
Postcolonial Studies: We’re in deep shit because of Europe.
Post-structuralism: We’re in deep shit because of binary oppositions.
Butler: We’re in deep shit because of performativity.
Foucault: We’re deep in power, which yes, sometimes can be shit.
Deleuze and Guattari: We’re in the molar and the molecular of deep shit.
Fanon: We’re in deep shit unless we decolonize.
Said: We’re in deep shit because of Othering.
Sara Ahmed: We’re in deep emotional shit.
I made that up myself. 🙂
LikeLike
Pure genius. You are SO ready for grad school. 🙂 Actually, you could go straight into a postdoc from here. 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you! 🙂 Maybe I’ll share this list with my cohort once I’ve been accepted!
LikeLike
You made that up? It’s amazing!! Honestly, trademark it, and post it on your blog. I predict that this can go viral. Truly. I love it!
LikeLike
Wow, thank you! I did make a post out of it:
I hope people continue to add their own. This is really fun.
LikeLike
From previous decades (most here have probably heard these, but….)
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six, one to change the lightbulb and five to write novels about it.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That’s not funny!
How many law students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, one to get up on a ladder and the other to kick out from underneath them.
How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but it takes a long time and the bulb has to want to change.
How many tenured professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don’t we have support staff for that?
LikeLike
I like the ones about feminists the most. 🙂
LikeLike
These are all impossible, since you would need a shrink ray to be able to screw in a lightbulb … [ahem] 🙂
LikeLike
“How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Six, one to change the lightbulb and five to write novels about it.”
Brilliant, however the one who changed the lightbulb wasn’t a modern feminist. Modern feminists can’t change a lightbulb because of their evil socialization.
LikeLike
How many assistant professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
Once I get tenure I’m going to tell the administration just what I think of their terrible lighting policy!
LikeLike
Who loves whom
A German has a wife and a mistress. Loves his wife.
A Frenchman has a wife and a mistress. Loves his mistress.
A Jew has a wife and a mistress. Loves his mother.
A Russian has a wife and a mistress. Loves Putin.
From this Russian post (I linked to another joke in the comments):
http://trim-c.livejournal.com/281122.html?thread=11563298#t11563298
LikeLike
Одесский юмор
http://notabler.livejournal.com/364713.html
LikeLike
Linux: we make this shit up as we go along, but with the best of intentions, even if nobody can understand them
🙂
LikeLike
Shhhh, there is a fan of Linux in my house.
With both my husbands, I only ever felt jealous of Linux because they get very dreamy eyes when they hear the word.
LikeLike
I suspect Jones is a fan of Linux too. Hell, show the joke to N, it certainly made me laugh and I get very dreamy eyes when hearing the word.
LikeLike
A conservative literary critic and college professor
Clarissa's Blog 
Leave a comment