Clarissa's Blog

I received an email asking me to explain why I ban some people and not others who, according to the email’s author, deserve banning a lot more.

Many people play the following game with the Internet:

They use the anonymity of the online space to allow themselves a greater freedom than they have off-line.

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The self-imposed mask of politeness and inoffensiveness slips,and they finally show some of the qualities of their personality that they’ve been repressing for ages.

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The moment they do that, though, they experience extreme anxiety.

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This anxiety is the reminder of the times when they were little and were punished for showing anger, individuality, etc.

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To combat anxiety, they lash out against a symbolic parent.

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The symbolic parent can be a celebrity or somebody they see as more competent, powerful and adult than themselves.

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By lashing out at a symbolic parent, they temporarily assuage their anxiety.

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But soon the anxiety comes back, promising immediate punishment for the freedom one has experienced online. 

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And the whole sorry thing begins again.

I’m so aware of how this process works that I experience nothing but boredom when I encounter it. This is why I ban people immediately when I see that they have appointed me to the role of their symbolic Mommy. I also never visit websites where people act out their rebellion against me as their symbolic parent.

There have been dozens of Reddit threads, blog discussions, tumblrs, and even entire websites dedicated to me as the symbolic Mommy. I have not visited any of them, even though they keep springing up in the link section of my stats. 

To people who never stay away from such discussions of themselves, I have the following to say: all that these beaten-down, pathetic former children want is for you to assuage their anxiety by entering into debates with them. This is a completely pointless game that leads nowhere. These problems can only be resolved by going to their roots. And such people don’t have the courage to do that. The terror of the real parent is too strong.