Absolutely true but with one correction. Not just for women but for women and men. And one more important clarification: this is a very peculiarly American problem.
The article’s author should look at the issue she is examining through a cultural lens, not a gender one.
How is this a peculiarly American problem?
Other people in other cultures do not take ridiculous cues from their peers or magazines or schools or books or cinematic depictions of sex?
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Americans are notoriously bad at sex. Not all of them obviously, but it’s a big problem. I don’t think it has anything to do with books or movies. It’s just a low sexual competence that is society-specific.
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“Americans are notoriously bad at sex.”
Baloney! I lived in a number of countries in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East when I was a younger man — and I can I tell you that on an individual level (man to woman), sex is equally good everywhere.
National attitudes about sex vary widely, but once you’re in the sack with an eager partner, that doesn’t really matter!
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I hesitate to answer for Clarissa, but I think the point is that here in America we’re warped (if not paralyzed) by our Puritan heritage.
I have students who are otherwise functional adults who know absolutely nothing about sex — on purpose. That is, they have been literally raised to adulthood by their parent cultures so that they will be entirely ignorant of sex. They have, themselves, cooperated in this ignorance. This is because they have bought into the idea that bodily pleasures (especially sexual pleasures, but really any pleasures of the body) are wicked.
You can imagine what happens when that 22 year old or 24 year old marries and attempts to engage in sex for the first time.
(I often find it difficult to believe they are entirely ignorant of sex, how it works, why people engage in it, its power and its wonder — how would you be, in contemporary American culture — yet, reading their essays and their attempts at literary analysis, I become more and more convinced that their ignorance is not feigned.)
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“I think the point is that here in America we’re warped (if not paralyzed) by our Puritan heritage.”
“I have students who are otherwise functional adults who know absolutely nothing about sex — on purpose. That is, they have been literally raised to adulthood by their parent cultures so that they will be entirely ignorant of sex.”
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“I have students who are otherwise functional adults who know absolutely nothing about sex — on purpose. That is, they have been literally raised to adulthood by their parent cultures so that they will be entirely ignorant of sex.”
If the internet and sex ed and books lying around (I got in trouble for this when I was young) did not exist, I would be ignorant of sex. My parents’ idea of sex ed was “don’t do it” and my mother thinks any further talk of sex should be saved for my wedding night at some indeterminate date in the future. I let her have her illusions.
My father’s sister had no idea of anything so when she got her period she thought she was slowly bleeding to death and she did not want to bother my grandmother so she hatched a plan to visit a local doctor but was found out when she bled through her skirt. My grandmother was furious.
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\ That is, they have been literally raised to adulthood by their parent cultures so that they will be entirely ignorant of sex.
You described Haredi and natonal religious Jews in Israel. Don’t see why you define this as an American problem of Puritan heritage rather than something connected to religious upbringing. Religious Jews and Muslims don’t have this Puritan heritage.
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I’m not a part of Israeli culture, so I can’t speak to it. I am married to an American (born and raised) Jew. His culture didn’t teach him to hate the pleasures of the flesh — good food and good music, as well as great art, are a part of his culture. And, at least from what he tells me, sex is holy in his religion, a commandment. Jews are supposed to enjoy it. It’s not evil, it’s a blessing.
In contrast, among (most) American religious cultures, all pleasures of the flesh — food, music, wine, sex — are sins. I had an aunt who was beaten for listening to music in her room. Here’s a common joke where I live: “Why don’t Baptists believe in having sex standing up?” “Because it might lead to dancing.”
Around here, Baptists and other religions teach that Jesus didn’t turn water into wine in that story in the new Testament — he turned it into grape juice. Because drinking wine is evil, like anything that gives us too much pleasure.
This is an aspect of American Puritan religion that has saturated our culture. This is why many Americans feel guilty when they eat good food, or do anything but work at work they hate; or drink good wine; or enjoy themselves at all — because we come from a culture that has taught us that pleasure is evil.
This is, of course, why Americans are so ridiculous about issues like contraception and abortion. God forbid people have sex just for pleasure.
“This is why many Americans feel guilty when they eat good food, or do anything but work at work they hate; or drink good wine; or enjoy themselves at all — because we come from a culture that has taught us that pleasure is evil.”
So true. And it’s one of the most striking things about the American culture that one encounters as a foreigner.
Great comment, thank you!
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Grape juice is evil.
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If you cross Southern Baptist with Russian Orthodox, does this lead to vodka with your grape juice? 🙂
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I’m late to this conversation, but I had this thought to share: if you’re a woman in bed with a partner and you are thinking about the political dimensions of your sex life in that moment YOU WILL NEVER HAVE AN ORGASM. For the love of God, get the fuck over your hang ups if you want to have good sex. Fucking hell. Blame men all you want for their poor performance, but there is some responsibility for women to be in the moment, rather than thinking about their politics while they are naked. Ugh.
I say this as a feminist who quite enjoys sex.
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Great comment. And great advice. :-)))))))))
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A conservative literary critic and college professor
Clarissa's Blog 
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