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Self-awareness

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Clarissa

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So remember this blogger whose personal life we followed? New year, new guy, and what do you think? Three minutes into the relationship, she’s going out of her way to be useful to the fellow, cooking, cleaning, babysitting, acting some sort of a bizarre 1950s wife fantasy. Of course, the fellow is creeped out and withdraws.

People who don’t value themselves are of little value to others. But a person who is not capable of self-awareness will never even try to figure out why everybody keeps running away. She’ll hide from the truth behind inanity. “Dating is difficult. Relationships are hard work. That’s the way things are.” And it’s not about education or intelligence. This poor woman described her interactions with her family, and it became crystal clear why she is so beaten down and lacking in self-awareness.

This is all very sad. But even though she’s not helping herself, she can help others who will see these patterns and decide to stop being self-destructive.

4 responses to “Self-awareness”

  1. Shakti Avatar
    Shakti

    Three minutes into the relationship, she’s going out of her way to be useful to the fellow, cooking, cleaning, babysitting, acting some sort of a bizarre 1950s wife fantasy. Of course, the fellow is creeped out and withdraws.
    Creeped out? He’s not creeped out. He’s a grown ass man and fully benefits from all of this labor. Why bother with the romance when he has her doing all of this shit and emotional labor for free?
    I swear, half the reason these older men go back and start dating again is because they’re auditioning a second wife who will be a nanny/cook/nursemaid.

    I’m at least self aware enough to know that I’d be shite at all three so i categorically reject men like this. I come across a lot of men who seem to want a second family and/or a bonus parent and seem to think my age makes me a good candidate for this being on the younger end of “acceptable in real life” rather than “fantasy age”.

    Tangentially:

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      They keep running away, though. Nobody is sticking around. Even if the goal is to snag a second-hand fellow like this, the strategy never works. People eventually always decide that it’s easier to fold their own laundry than be in the presence of so much desperation.

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      1. Shakti Avatar
        Shakti

        The people who would find such desperation attractive are not benign.

        Is age a part of it? Of course it isn’t but: I’m younger than she is and I get people constantly telling me I don’t slobber gratefully enough over prospective partners because “you’re not that great and you’re so old.” I had one fellow’s mother beg me to continue to contact him even though we had one date that was just polite chitchat for two hours and he showed no interest afterwards. I had to sit on myself to not say the guy was either happily single, seeing someone on the downlow and/or gay. The idea of performing all of this emotional labor on the behalf of all of these extended family members for a dude who can’t even manage to write something other than ipsum lorem just makes me tired. 🙂

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          I know! For a guy to inflict his relatives on me, this must be a very serious relationship. And folding laundry – the very first time I even folded N’s laundry was this year. It’s not an ideological thing or anything, I’m just not familiar with the tradition but still. Going to the houses of almost strangers to that, this is just bizarre.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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