A really tough moment for me was when the breast milk was coming in at 5-7 days post partum. There was this horrible night when I suddenly felt as if my blood had turned to ice and all I could do was shiver uncontrollably under a mountain of blankets. It’s good that N was here to take care of the baby because I was incapacitated.
And then there were the hormonal changes that were putting me in depressive states. In short, it was not pleasant. It took me until now (so about a month) to make breastfeeding work.
I always detested the useless freaks who shamed and guilt-tripped women for not breastfeeding but now my hatred of them has a deeply personal basis. If women choose not to sacrifice their physical and mental health for something that has no proven benefits for anybody, that’s a smart, legitimate decision that they are entitled to make.
I’m lucky in that I had very good, laid-back, intelligent lactation specialists help me at the hospital. Their philosophy was, “Breastfeed, pump, supplement, do whatever works for you, it’s all good, don’t worry, be happy.” Unfortunately, there are women who get badgered about these choices from day one. And that’s inexcusable.
P.S. I’m not a mental health professional and can’t help people with their psychological issues. If the word “breastfeeding” makes you emotional or agitated, please discuss it with your mental health specialist and not with me.
Clarissa's Blog 
I fully agree with you. The breastfeeding crusaders are terrible people who want to control women’s bodies and mask it under “care for infant health.” ………Out of curiosity, since it was so difficult what made you persevere for nearly a month with breastfeeding if it was so difficult for you?
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Klara very clearly likes it. If I didn’t see that she derives obvious pleasure from the process, I wouldn’t do it. She is a c-section baby plus slightly preemie. This means she needs a lot of closeness for psychological reasons, and I guess breastfeeding serves that purpose.
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