How to Raise a Liar

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Clarissa

April 5, 2016

By the ages of 4-5, all children (except the developmentally retarded) learn to lie and conceal things. A child’s first lies are an attempt to figure out a boundary between herself and others. When she decides to conceal certain information from adults, she lays down a foundation of her future interior life, her own subjectivity.

An intelligent, tactful adult will notice these little childish prevarications and tactfully let them go. An angry, controlling freak will flip out, demand, interrogate and bully. As a result, the child will get fixated on the traumatic moment and will keep replaying it endlessly, becoming a seasoned liar. The worst liars are people who were constantly policed, interrogated and prevented from having secrets in childhood. A good analogy is masturbation. An intelligent, tactful adult who notices childhood masturbation quietly removes herself and leaves the child be. An angry, controlling freak will flip out, lecture, shame and bully, creating a future sexual neurotic.

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One response to “How to Raise a Liar”

Barbara

April 6, 2016

Yes, the first lie is an important milestone and most people do not understand this. Everyone is excited for you when you share that your child took his step, or said his first word. Tell someone, “He told his first lie!” and you will get looks.

At least that was my experience. But I rather enjoyed their puzzled, dismayed and disapproving stares because that’s me.

Those beginning lies are so clumsy and obvious, I don’t understand how anyone could not be charmed by them.

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