So I’m working on my research in my study, and the nanny is with Klara in the next room that doesn’t even have a door separating it from where I am. And still I feel like somebody is cutting me into pieces with a rusty chainsaw. “Work” mostly consists of staring at the screen and trying not to cry.
Daycare, yeah, right. It will take me at least another year to get ready for daycare. And I don’t think anything better than that can be expected from somebody with my history.
So did you finally find a suitable permanent nanny?
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I don’t know, this is this lady’s first day and she seems good. Let’s see how it goes. Fingers crossed.
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Do you think it’s possible that something like this is happening to you? I know your circumstances are different now but this post you wrote really stuck with me because I know that it’s true for me sometimes.
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Yes, I’m definitely having a problem with getting back into the workplace. When I go to campus, I feel confused, lost and overwhelmed. When the semester starts, I will be publishing a series of posts on the strategies of being reincorporated into the work environment after a long break. At that time, I will have been out of the office for almost 18 months.
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Are you missing work at all (well you have been working on research but I’m talking about “formal work)? Or is returning only a source of anxiety for you at this point? I always have a weird feeling that combines dread and excitement by the end of summer. And once school actually starts up again and it’s about two weeks in, I’m happy to be there.
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It will be good to ba back to an existence where I have to get up, get dressed, and be somewhere at a certain time. It’s also nice to remember how damn easy teaching is compared to research. I’m preparing my courses right now, and it feels weird because I’m working, but it doesn’t feel hard or exhausting at all, unlike research.
At the same time, I went to campus today and got very overwhelmed by all the people and everybody speaking at me at the same time.
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I was at home for about 4-5 months with my first kid and it was disorienting to be back at first, but within the week I was happy to be back. I don’t think it’s 100% baby related, because I feel a milder version of it every time I am away from campus for more than a week (e.g., for travel or vacation) — it feels hard to go back but it doesn’t last very long at all.
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A conservative literary critic and college professor
Clarissa's Blog 
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